1 year ago
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
When its over.....
When it’s over, I want to say:
All my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
–Mary Oliver
All my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
–Mary Oliver
Yule songs
Tonight the Hunstsville Feminist Choir does its annual Solstice concert. They sing songs about Yule and Winter Solstice, Sun God and the Goddesses. Its purely secular and very well done. After hearing tons of insipid and silly Christmas songs, fights about who the season is all about, and judgments against those who observe the paganism inherent in the holiday rather than the religious, I love hearing these songs. They speak to me of what really December and its various celebrations are about--return of the sun, beginning of winter and enjoying life with others.
So if you are in the north AL area, come to the Flying Monkey around 4pm and you will be happy you did!!!!
So Happy Yule and A Warm Winter Solstice!!!
So if you are in the north AL area, come to the Flying Monkey around 4pm and you will be happy you did!!!!
So Happy Yule and A Warm Winter Solstice!!!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Equality and RIghts
This is a great speech by a NY Senator on Equality and how that is what its all about!!! She is so Right on!!
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Each of Us
Each of us inevitable,
Each of us limitless --
Each of us with his or her
right upon the earth,
Each of us allow'd
the eternal purports
of the earth,
Each of us here
as divinely as any is here.
~ Walt Whitman ~
Each of us limitless --
Each of us with his or her
right upon the earth,
Each of us allow'd
the eternal purports
of the earth,
Each of us here
as divinely as any is here.
~ Walt Whitman ~
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
December is the Month for Birthdays!!!
December was a busy month over the course of history. Many many gods had birthdates on Dec 25th and even virgin births!!
So during your merriment remember these Mythological Gods and light a candle or two for them
Chrishna of India, Mithra of Persia,Horus Of Egypt, Beddou of the Orients, Dionysus,Adonis, Sol, Elah-Gabal, and of course the "reason for the season" Jesus, and many others. March must have been a rockin month of merriment- celebration of Spring maybe?
You may have noted in the long list that all but one god is considered a myth. How does that reasoning work? Either ALL are mythological or ALL are real. Choosing one as real and the rest as myth is just too convenient and foundation of brain washing millions.
So remember MANY GODs are the reason for the season!!!!!!
So during your merriment remember these Mythological Gods and light a candle or two for them
Chrishna of India, Mithra of Persia,Horus Of Egypt, Beddou of the Orients, Dionysus,Adonis, Sol, Elah-Gabal, and of course the "reason for the season" Jesus, and many others. March must have been a rockin month of merriment- celebration of Spring maybe?
You may have noted in the long list that all but one god is considered a myth. How does that reasoning work? Either ALL are mythological or ALL are real. Choosing one as real and the rest as myth is just too convenient and foundation of brain washing millions.
So remember MANY GODs are the reason for the season!!!!!!
Friday, November 20, 2009
An evening of Fun
Sometimes a person needs just an evening of pure fun and energy. Nothing heavy to ponder or think about or figure out and nothing of any real meaning.
So tonight I go to see Momma Mia--the musical with Abba songs. My daughters have all went through the phase of listening incessantly to Abba and loved the movie...so we all go to the Broadway Play and just have fun. It is always nice to get some time to share something like this with the kids--of course the boys are home with video games and pizza!!
So tonight I go to see Momma Mia--the musical with Abba songs. My daughters have all went through the phase of listening incessantly to Abba and loved the movie...so we all go to the Broadway Play and just have fun. It is always nice to get some time to share something like this with the kids--of course the boys are home with video games and pizza!!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
We all have our own paths
Recently a friend did something that annoyed me. Hurt my feelings. As I mulled it over I realized that what was happening was this person was on their path. And sometimes that means me getting out of the way so they can continue. Often what we feel is a hurtful event was simply another person having to move ahead and follow their path. Our paths will often intersect with another's and briefly we meet someone and hear their story. Sometimes our paths run parallel and what fun that is to have a "partner in crime" and then sometimes they move away and that always seems sad. We see it as failure somewhere or betrayal or unkindness but really its just Time to move apart and go on.
It is hard for us to know when to let go--we hang onto relationships almost obsessively--wiling to do anything to keep this person in our life even when we know its not doing us an good or we make excuses for their behavior that is unkind with things like overworked, or having a bad day or just tired. If we would instead step back and let them go on--yes grieving is part of the process and sadness but ultimately it is better for us to let others go on their path so they will let us go on ours.
Ultimately what I think of as unkindness is really a freeing of my energy. It is a gift allowing me to sally forth and see where my path is going and be glad that others can also do that.
So..get out of someone's way... find your own way... and be thankful for the time together!!!
It is hard for us to know when to let go--we hang onto relationships almost obsessively--wiling to do anything to keep this person in our life even when we know its not doing us an good or we make excuses for their behavior that is unkind with things like overworked, or having a bad day or just tired. If we would instead step back and let them go on--yes grieving is part of the process and sadness but ultimately it is better for us to let others go on their path so they will let us go on ours.
Ultimately what I think of as unkindness is really a freeing of my energy. It is a gift allowing me to sally forth and see where my path is going and be glad that others can also do that.
So..get out of someone's way... find your own way... and be thankful for the time together!!!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Life is a puzzle...
is my thought.
As life is put together by us, we often have a piece or two we cant quite fit. Eventually if fits or we make it fit or set it aside because we all like a well defined puzzle.
I can remember a time in my life--maybe even a few times--where all the pieces seemed not to fit..i was looking at a puzzle of my life and nothing worked, nothing matched, no edges and no color came together. I can remember sitting and thinking WTF has happened to my life and why is nothing working?
Slowly though as I watched, the pieces began to make sense..over time my life has become a little more clearer. I still have pieces of it I am holding...but I know they will fit at some point.
I also have come to believe while it is normal and ok to have a few pieces not fitting in my life--- too many not fitting is a sign from the Universe that something aint right and I MUST pay attention.
Recently I had this experience again with a situation. I found myself holding one piece that didnt fit, then another, then another and before I knew it, I had several pieces that were not part of MY puzzle.....and I knew I could not ignore it any longer. I had to take action and DO something about this issue.
What is even more interesting is I was in the shower where I do most of my thinking (along with driving) and it came to me what I was doing...Denying my intuition about a situation and now i had an out of control puzzle!!!!!
I have learned not to ignore my intuition as it always tells me something I dont want to hear and later AFTER I have ignored it, I see where I was wrong and I vow NOT to ignore it again. But I do. And I regret it.
Confronting someone about how they treat me IS hard for me to do. I have spent a lifetime nurturing everyone but myself, accepting hurtful behavior to me in the name of love, and ignoring signs that someone is being dishonest with me as well as themselves.
So..... I am going to take these pieces of my life and as soon as I validate them and accept them as truth..they will fit into my life in such a way that I will understand what was happening.
Life is a puzzle... and I hold the pieces.
As life is put together by us, we often have a piece or two we cant quite fit. Eventually if fits or we make it fit or set it aside because we all like a well defined puzzle.
I can remember a time in my life--maybe even a few times--where all the pieces seemed not to fit..i was looking at a puzzle of my life and nothing worked, nothing matched, no edges and no color came together. I can remember sitting and thinking WTF has happened to my life and why is nothing working?
Slowly though as I watched, the pieces began to make sense..over time my life has become a little more clearer. I still have pieces of it I am holding...but I know they will fit at some point.
I also have come to believe while it is normal and ok to have a few pieces not fitting in my life--- too many not fitting is a sign from the Universe that something aint right and I MUST pay attention.
Recently I had this experience again with a situation. I found myself holding one piece that didnt fit, then another, then another and before I knew it, I had several pieces that were not part of MY puzzle.....and I knew I could not ignore it any longer. I had to take action and DO something about this issue.
What is even more interesting is I was in the shower where I do most of my thinking (along with driving) and it came to me what I was doing...Denying my intuition about a situation and now i had an out of control puzzle!!!!!
I have learned not to ignore my intuition as it always tells me something I dont want to hear and later AFTER I have ignored it, I see where I was wrong and I vow NOT to ignore it again. But I do. And I regret it.
Confronting someone about how they treat me IS hard for me to do. I have spent a lifetime nurturing everyone but myself, accepting hurtful behavior to me in the name of love, and ignoring signs that someone is being dishonest with me as well as themselves.
So..... I am going to take these pieces of my life and as soon as I validate them and accept them as truth..they will fit into my life in such a way that I will understand what was happening.
Life is a puzzle... and I hold the pieces.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Life is what it is and nothing more.
I hope all is good with you. I do miss you.....the well you.
It is a tough road and one you felt needed to be done by yourself without solid resources. I hope that was true.
It is your journey not mine so hang on tight and know there is an end.
It is a tough road and one you felt needed to be done by yourself without solid resources. I hope that was true.
It is your journey not mine so hang on tight and know there is an end.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
An interesting movie
So we watched The Answer Man. And it was good.
Often a movie can spark ideas, create communication and expand beliefs. A couple of quotes from the movie I found interesting
" something is what it is and it is not something else" We can deny something as it is but we know it is what it is. If and when we finally admit that we can then proceed to dealing with it in a mature way. (or not so mature as the case may be :)
The writer of this movies was describing a character that he created..this character has some issues but the writer said he did not want to make this character looking for the light but rather having the light and trying to hold on to it.
That was a thought provoking statements for me.
Looking for the light is something people do..light meaning beliefs, morals, god/goddess etc. I think we easily find those lights yet the hard part is hanging on to them. Friends, society, culture and our own waveringness can do so much to take that light away from us. Its hard making a stand then to have it judged or criticized or made to seem less than anothers stand.
Going through life and hanging on to our own light is hard and can be lonely and can be sometimes more than we can do.
One character asked whether we had free will or was it all destiny...the answer he gave was free will to move towards our destiny or away from our destiny..... I loved it!!!
Overall I loved the humor, the quirky characters and the spiritual message from all the different paths the characters were on. How we have our own answers--people come into our lives to help us along the way if we are awake enough to notice them. They are the messengers from Her the Divine. They dont have our answers but they do have guidance.
If we all looked at people around us as the messengers from Goddess and observed them-- how much better off would we each be? The person who is causing me the most angst or hurt is really sending me a powerful message and giving me some strong guidance.
I. Need. To. Pay. Attention.
So I recommend The Answer Man.
Often a movie can spark ideas, create communication and expand beliefs. A couple of quotes from the movie I found interesting
" something is what it is and it is not something else" We can deny something as it is but we know it is what it is. If and when we finally admit that we can then proceed to dealing with it in a mature way. (or not so mature as the case may be :)
The writer of this movies was describing a character that he created..this character has some issues but the writer said he did not want to make this character looking for the light but rather having the light and trying to hold on to it.
That was a thought provoking statements for me.
Looking for the light is something people do..light meaning beliefs, morals, god/goddess etc. I think we easily find those lights yet the hard part is hanging on to them. Friends, society, culture and our own waveringness can do so much to take that light away from us. Its hard making a stand then to have it judged or criticized or made to seem less than anothers stand.
Going through life and hanging on to our own light is hard and can be lonely and can be sometimes more than we can do.
One character asked whether we had free will or was it all destiny...the answer he gave was free will to move towards our destiny or away from our destiny..... I loved it!!!
Overall I loved the humor, the quirky characters and the spiritual message from all the different paths the characters were on. How we have our own answers--people come into our lives to help us along the way if we are awake enough to notice them. They are the messengers from Her the Divine. They dont have our answers but they do have guidance.
If we all looked at people around us as the messengers from Goddess and observed them-- how much better off would we each be? The person who is causing me the most angst or hurt is really sending me a powerful message and giving me some strong guidance.
I. Need. To. Pay. Attention.
So I recommend The Answer Man.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
So the point is?
I know conservative Christians who approach every issue with "that person just needs to find God and a personal relationship with Jesus" as THE definitive answer. It bothers me and I am pondering why.
First..who can know what another person needs spiritually? Just because one needs it themselves does not mean another needs it. And to ASSUME one knows what another person needs IS arrogance on a grand scale. Adversity IS our own path--we have adversity because that is life and that is what changes us to what We are to be. Adding Jesus to the mix doesnt change THAT.
So first off maybe the person needs a hug, or maybe just a compassionate ear or a hot meal without sermonizing or sometimes just let them feel the sorrow as Part of life.
Then the question is What will having a personal relationship with Christ Actually Accomplish??? It wont take away the adversity..it wont take away sorrow or give them a hot meal and a hug. And those with JC dont have happier lives than those who dont have JC as a constant companion or have sadder harder lives. If a mom has a sick child and you say..Oh I will pray for you and then walk away when INSTEAD you could have brought her a meal, watched her other children while she got some sleep or even a shower and actually helped in a tangible way rather than pass it off as a spiritual issue.
So.... adversity is part of everyones life-- JCers and non JCers. Happiness and Joy is part of everyones life, as is sorrow and loss. JCers dont have more blessings or less cursings as neither do non JCers...
SOOO again i ask...whats the point?
So the arrogance of assuming one knows what another needs spiritually bothers me and the feeling that prayer is simply the best one can offer and that way one can avoid getting messily involved with anothers life..after all we DO have things to do!!!!!
Thats the things that bother me. Arrogance and No compassion that DOES something.
I believe when we do leave this life we will know the reasons for our adversity and our sorrows and we will Smile and say...Oh yeah now I see why this happened and I needed THAT experience to move into a newer understanding of compassion or understanding of my place in the human condition. Adversity IS that which teaches us LOVE.
Leave JC out of it..there is NO point to offering him as a panacea for lifes hardships--but chicken soup might be!!!!!
First..who can know what another person needs spiritually? Just because one needs it themselves does not mean another needs it. And to ASSUME one knows what another person needs IS arrogance on a grand scale. Adversity IS our own path--we have adversity because that is life and that is what changes us to what We are to be. Adding Jesus to the mix doesnt change THAT.
So first off maybe the person needs a hug, or maybe just a compassionate ear or a hot meal without sermonizing or sometimes just let them feel the sorrow as Part of life.
Then the question is What will having a personal relationship with Christ Actually Accomplish??? It wont take away the adversity..it wont take away sorrow or give them a hot meal and a hug. And those with JC dont have happier lives than those who dont have JC as a constant companion or have sadder harder lives. If a mom has a sick child and you say..Oh I will pray for you and then walk away when INSTEAD you could have brought her a meal, watched her other children while she got some sleep or even a shower and actually helped in a tangible way rather than pass it off as a spiritual issue.
So.... adversity is part of everyones life-- JCers and non JCers. Happiness and Joy is part of everyones life, as is sorrow and loss. JCers dont have more blessings or less cursings as neither do non JCers...
SOOO again i ask...whats the point?
So the arrogance of assuming one knows what another needs spiritually bothers me and the feeling that prayer is simply the best one can offer and that way one can avoid getting messily involved with anothers life..after all we DO have things to do!!!!!
Thats the things that bother me. Arrogance and No compassion that DOES something.
I believe when we do leave this life we will know the reasons for our adversity and our sorrows and we will Smile and say...Oh yeah now I see why this happened and I needed THAT experience to move into a newer understanding of compassion or understanding of my place in the human condition. Adversity IS that which teaches us LOVE.
Leave JC out of it..there is NO point to offering him as a panacea for lifes hardships--but chicken soup might be!!!!!
Day of the Dead celebration
Was awesome as usual!! Every year a local art gallery does this very elaborate Day of the Dead celebration. Alters are set up all over the place, candles lit, skeletons are everywhere and good food and music. People set up their alters to their loved ones or even celebrities or events where many died.
I stopped in front of one that showed a girl of about 4 years old-- blonde and cute as a button and a very beautiful alter. Nothing about how she died or when--just a visual memory of her.
As i stood there a woman came up to me and said...this is my daughter. I said it is a beautiful alter and I know she feels it. I asked if she would like to share about her daughters death...she teared up and said she was 32 and committed suicide 7 years ago. By now of course I am tearing up and I hug her and just hold that sacred space for her to share with me her story. I was honored for her to tell me and I am glad i was there at that moment for her and for me.
Someone sharing a painful part of life is an honor we dont often stand still for..we are all in such a hurry that stopping and breathing and honoring someone else is not something we do often. She told me how healing making this alter had been and how grateful she was that she was able to do this. Healing is a long process no matter the circumstance. So often people tell us after a few weeks to just get over it already...and yet for those who have felt loss, it is just not that easy. Grief comes and goes, strikes at odd times when a memory comes in and still is a visceral feeling in the heart. Over time it is less and less but do we or should we even really "get over it"? Death or loss is hard but it is also what can shape us and mold us and help us have more compassion for those around us. How we get over it is our own personal path and none can tell us how to do it. None can know how long we will take to heal and process.
It is a journey of alone.
I am grateful to this women for her story and I know her daughter felt the love.
I stopped in front of one that showed a girl of about 4 years old-- blonde and cute as a button and a very beautiful alter. Nothing about how she died or when--just a visual memory of her.
As i stood there a woman came up to me and said...this is my daughter. I said it is a beautiful alter and I know she feels it. I asked if she would like to share about her daughters death...she teared up and said she was 32 and committed suicide 7 years ago. By now of course I am tearing up and I hug her and just hold that sacred space for her to share with me her story. I was honored for her to tell me and I am glad i was there at that moment for her and for me.
Someone sharing a painful part of life is an honor we dont often stand still for..we are all in such a hurry that stopping and breathing and honoring someone else is not something we do often. She told me how healing making this alter had been and how grateful she was that she was able to do this. Healing is a long process no matter the circumstance. So often people tell us after a few weeks to just get over it already...and yet for those who have felt loss, it is just not that easy. Grief comes and goes, strikes at odd times when a memory comes in and still is a visceral feeling in the heart. Over time it is less and less but do we or should we even really "get over it"? Death or loss is hard but it is also what can shape us and mold us and help us have more compassion for those around us. How we get over it is our own personal path and none can tell us how to do it. None can know how long we will take to heal and process.
It is a journey of alone.
I am grateful to this women for her story and I know her daughter felt the love.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Crossroads of life
I suppose if life stops giving me crossroads I will know its over. Hecate is the goddess of crossroads..standing there with her hounds reminding me there are choices to be made. And they are made with my thoughts or not--and there isnt always a right one but the one that is right for now. I believe all choices lead to the same place but the ride is different. How we choose the scenic road is often not even conscious. We think its the easier path or the one everyone thinks we should do, or the "right" one by our own beliefs. We are guilted into decisions or forced to accept others idea of what is best for us. People seem to think they know what everyone else needs on a spiritual level. Yet how can anyone know what is best for another? Adversity Is part of life and we all need it to change and grow and evolve into ourselves-- to say someone needs to find GOD or go to church or any other solution to skip the adversity is the height of arrogance. Just let someone alone..let them figure out the crossroads and which way is the way to go. Life is about the experience and the scenery it takes as we sally forth and those we meet and those who touch our hearts.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Last day of the year
A fire. A ritual. A putting away of things no longer serving me.
I have some old Tibetan prayer flags that need to be burned with reverence and intention. I have a goddess flag that needs to also be ritually burned to make way for a new one.
Acknowledging things in my life that need to be done with, people or habits.
Communing with ancestors or family that have departed--opening up my heart to new intentions for the new year.
It is a time of reflection and looking back and accepting the things that have happened as part of who I am. These very events often painful and grievous have been what has shaped me into who I am now. But that doesnt mean I need to let them rule over me or control me-- A big sigh of thanks and letting them go is in order.
What are you doing for reflection and letting go? What are you intending for the New year and what you want to accomplish and see happen?
Happy Samhain!!! and a very Merry Bonfire and a very cleansing ritual tonight!!
Tomorrow we CELEBRATE!!!!!
I have some old Tibetan prayer flags that need to be burned with reverence and intention. I have a goddess flag that needs to also be ritually burned to make way for a new one.
Acknowledging things in my life that need to be done with, people or habits.
Communing with ancestors or family that have departed--opening up my heart to new intentions for the new year.
It is a time of reflection and looking back and accepting the things that have happened as part of who I am. These very events often painful and grievous have been what has shaped me into who I am now. But that doesnt mean I need to let them rule over me or control me-- A big sigh of thanks and letting them go is in order.
What are you doing for reflection and letting go? What are you intending for the New year and what you want to accomplish and see happen?
Happy Samhain!!! and a very Merry Bonfire and a very cleansing ritual tonight!!
Tomorrow we CELEBRATE!!!!!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Pantheism
I claim to be a Pantheist- it is a cool sounding word as well as a empowering word for what I believe about God and who She is.
It means God/dess is all and All is She. It is all equivalent and equal and She is not separate from the earth or its creation or humans. We are the Divine and the Divine is us. Nature is the manifestation of the Divine as well as each of us.
There is no hell or heaven--there is only what Is and we as humans cannot begin to explain it or understand it or put little labels on it that condemn all others. To define God as in Christian terms is to believe we can label Him in human terms-- Christians make Him a petulant, angry, jealous, murdering, raping, child killing tyrant. SHe is Not that..She is Who She is.
I can see Love which is the embodiment of the Divine in everyone- I can surround myself with Love to others and respect and compassion no matter where they are in their own path. I can lovingly put up boundaries around me and my family to keep those who are stuck in their own negative energy away while at the same time sending out love to them. I dont need to condemn others to hell to feel closer to Her nor do I need everyone or anyone to agree with my own spiritual beliefs to know they are true and mine. I dont need for others to suffer in order for me to feel loved by the Divine. I dont want to be responsible for telling telling others how they should live, what they should believe and where they are wrong in order to feel more spiritual than them thus close to the pearly gates.
I only need to Walk in the Knowledge I have and Appreciate the differences others have and Live in Love and Compassion always.
She doesnt demand I do anyything about anyone else. She does show me the way daily that i must walk to be Who I am meant to be. That isnt always easy. I find myself overwhelmed with grief or sorrow at the actions of others, I find myself sad at the responses of myself at times , I hurt from those who would use my own beliefs against me and condemn me to hell because i "reject" their messiah.
I also rejoice in my own feelings of lightness as I pursue this path. I have joy that cannot be diminished by others and I hope that I can make a difference in everyone's life that crosses my path.
Did i mention that October is the end of the Celtic year and a time to get rid of a toxic habits, grudges, sorrow and feelings that no longer serve me. It is a dark month for inwardly cleansing and outwardly reliving.
Have a Good Samhain!!!!!
It means God/dess is all and All is She. It is all equivalent and equal and She is not separate from the earth or its creation or humans. We are the Divine and the Divine is us. Nature is the manifestation of the Divine as well as each of us.
There is no hell or heaven--there is only what Is and we as humans cannot begin to explain it or understand it or put little labels on it that condemn all others. To define God as in Christian terms is to believe we can label Him in human terms-- Christians make Him a petulant, angry, jealous, murdering, raping, child killing tyrant. SHe is Not that..She is Who She is.
I can see Love which is the embodiment of the Divine in everyone- I can surround myself with Love to others and respect and compassion no matter where they are in their own path. I can lovingly put up boundaries around me and my family to keep those who are stuck in their own negative energy away while at the same time sending out love to them. I dont need to condemn others to hell to feel closer to Her nor do I need everyone or anyone to agree with my own spiritual beliefs to know they are true and mine. I dont need for others to suffer in order for me to feel loved by the Divine. I dont want to be responsible for telling telling others how they should live, what they should believe and where they are wrong in order to feel more spiritual than them thus close to the pearly gates.
I only need to Walk in the Knowledge I have and Appreciate the differences others have and Live in Love and Compassion always.
She doesnt demand I do anyything about anyone else. She does show me the way daily that i must walk to be Who I am meant to be. That isnt always easy. I find myself overwhelmed with grief or sorrow at the actions of others, I find myself sad at the responses of myself at times , I hurt from those who would use my own beliefs against me and condemn me to hell because i "reject" their messiah.
I also rejoice in my own feelings of lightness as I pursue this path. I have joy that cannot be diminished by others and I hope that I can make a difference in everyone's life that crosses my path.
Did i mention that October is the end of the Celtic year and a time to get rid of a toxic habits, grudges, sorrow and feelings that no longer serve me. It is a dark month for inwardly cleansing and outwardly reliving.
Have a Good Samhain!!!!!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Living our authentic selves
Life IS struggle and change and sorrow and joy. It is what makes our human experience here. The real question is what are we doing with it? This is a great article-- so if you like the excerpt I give, go read the rest~~~
When we connect with our authentic selves we learn about our courage and grace as much as our suffering and betrayals. When we only remember the misery and the pain, we remain locked in yesterday. But the reason we feel upset by dwelling on old suffering is not what we think. By refusing to find the meaning of our negative experiences, we think we are protecting ourselves from discovering how we have fallen short in the past. But the reality is that by finding the courage to look squarely at our old pains and sorrows, we see the ways we truly are authentic, thus liberating ourselves from past suffering. As we learn to detach from the criticisms of others and become our own loving parents and mentors, we are able to see that "The Source" sees our value and helps us to make our own unique contributions to life, making the most of opportunities we might otherwise have missed.
When we connect with our authentic selves we learn about our courage and grace as much as our suffering and betrayals. When we only remember the misery and the pain, we remain locked in yesterday. But the reason we feel upset by dwelling on old suffering is not what we think. By refusing to find the meaning of our negative experiences, we think we are protecting ourselves from discovering how we have fallen short in the past. But the reality is that by finding the courage to look squarely at our old pains and sorrows, we see the ways we truly are authentic, thus liberating ourselves from past suffering. As we learn to detach from the criticisms of others and become our own loving parents and mentors, we are able to see that "The Source" sees our value and helps us to make our own unique contributions to life, making the most of opportunities we might otherwise have missed.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
so comes love
let it go - the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
go
let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
were born
to go
let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go
dear
so comes love
~ e. e. cummings ~
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise - let it go it
was sworn to
go
let them go - the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers - you must let them go they
were born
to go
let all go - the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things - let all go
dear
so comes love
~ e. e. cummings ~
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Rainy day for hiking
So of course today we had planned to hike in TN. And of course it rains..not just a drizzle but a good downpour.
The question is do we go and have fun anyway...cancel and do something different?
Ack..my fate may be intertwined with what I choose to do.
Life is like this...choosing the path one takes based on external conditions. Then wondering what if.............
I think we shall go anyway...see what the Universe has in store for us.
It could be amazing but no doubt right.
The question is do we go and have fun anyway...cancel and do something different?
Ack..my fate may be intertwined with what I choose to do.
Life is like this...choosing the path one takes based on external conditions. Then wondering what if.............
I think we shall go anyway...see what the Universe has in store for us.
It could be amazing but no doubt right.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Cunt...revisited
In school I am doing a course on Sexuality of Women. We get to write a glossary of a slang word and a medically accurate word and since yall know i love the powerful word Cunt, i wanted to post my definition..
Enjoy!!
""Cunt is not actually a slang word as it was used interchangeably with the word woman for centuries in many cultures including Eastern and African languages as well as Egyptian and Medieval time frame.
It is derived from the word Kunta which means female genitalia in Sumeria. Another derivative of kunta is quna which is the basis for the word queen. Any words that start with kw or qu or k are from the word Kunta.
Kunta reflects feminine energy and is apparent in the names of Goddess’s including Cunti or Kunda. Cunina is a Roman goddess which protects children in their cradle. Cunda is the name of the mother of Buddha. Cunti-Devi, Goddess of kundalini energy from India; Kun, Goddess of Mercy, India; Quani, Korean goddess; Qudshu, female priestess of ancient Canaan & Phoenicia; Quadesha, Sumerian word for a type of priestess. Qu' can also mean love, sensuality, sexuality, the divinity present in all females.
We also get our word cuneiform from the word kunta.(Bertonis) asserts that priestess’s were in charge of the record keeping in the temples and they invented cuneiform as their writing. Literally the word cuniform means “the sign of the cunta” or “queen who invented writing”
Our word Kundalini which means female energy is derived from Kunta as well as words such as cunctipotent-meaning all powerful. Cuniculate means penetrated by passage; Cundy means a culvert and cunning is keen knowledge or wisdom.
We also get out word kin from kunta which means the matrilineal line and also means cleft or crevice.
From the book Cunt comes the modern assertion that as women we should take back the rightful meaning of the word cunt and not allow it to be used against us anymore as a derogatory slang word."""
Enjoy!!
""Cunt is not actually a slang word as it was used interchangeably with the word woman for centuries in many cultures including Eastern and African languages as well as Egyptian and Medieval time frame.
It is derived from the word Kunta which means female genitalia in Sumeria. Another derivative of kunta is quna which is the basis for the word queen. Any words that start with kw or qu or k are from the word Kunta.
Kunta reflects feminine energy and is apparent in the names of Goddess’s including Cunti or Kunda. Cunina is a Roman goddess which protects children in their cradle. Cunda is the name of the mother of Buddha. Cunti-Devi, Goddess of kundalini energy from India; Kun, Goddess of Mercy, India; Quani, Korean goddess; Qudshu, female priestess of ancient Canaan & Phoenicia; Quadesha, Sumerian word for a type of priestess. Qu' can also mean love, sensuality, sexuality, the divinity present in all females.
We also get our word cuneiform from the word kunta.(Bertonis) asserts that priestess’s were in charge of the record keeping in the temples and they invented cuneiform as their writing. Literally the word cuniform means “the sign of the cunta” or “queen who invented writing”
Our word Kundalini which means female energy is derived from Kunta as well as words such as cunctipotent-meaning all powerful. Cuniculate means penetrated by passage; Cundy means a culvert and cunning is keen knowledge or wisdom.
We also get out word kin from kunta which means the matrilineal line and also means cleft or crevice.
From the book Cunt comes the modern assertion that as women we should take back the rightful meaning of the word cunt and not allow it to be used against us anymore as a derogatory slang word."""
Saturday, September 19, 2009
A rainy day meandering ramble
September.
The best thing about September is that its the month before October.
And October is my most favorite month. I LOVE how October feels and smells and looks. I love putting my socks on again with a sweater and walking outside in the evening and feeling cool. I like seeing leaves come down in a storm and whirl around like a mad dervish dance. I cant wait for the first fire in the fireplace and the smells of it wafting through the house. Pulling up a chair to the fire with a book, a cup of hot tea and just chillin by the fire. I love watching my mastiffs fight for space next to it so they can warm themselves so soon I have a blanket of dogs laying around me and the chair.
October is the last month of the year in Celtic year. It is the close of harvesting and "puttin by" stuff and getting ready for winter. October 31st is Samhain-- a day when the veil between this world and the spirit world is thinnest. Doing a ritual on that night is intuitive and spiritual and very much in touch with those things we dont see.
For me its time to get ready for the new year in November. Winter is a time to lay low, hibernate as much as possible and put things away I no longer want or need. To hunker down at the house and watch as things begin to die and brown and even nature itself shuts down to rebirth. For me shutting down and taking in stock what is going on around me, what do i want to give up and what no longer benefits me or serves me well. What seeds can I plant now that will show up in the spring?
I am going to enjoy every moment in October. Lighting a candle nightly on my outside alter as well as my ancestor alter to honor those who have gone ahead. I am going to honor those women who died as witches to a cruel patriarchal religion that dishonored many by their mean spirited beliefs. I am going to honor those men who stood by their women and may have died with them also.
I am going to honor Love. Those people in my life who love me and respect me AS i am...I will honor that.
See? i told you it was another goings on........
The best thing about September is that its the month before October.
And October is my most favorite month. I LOVE how October feels and smells and looks. I love putting my socks on again with a sweater and walking outside in the evening and feeling cool. I like seeing leaves come down in a storm and whirl around like a mad dervish dance. I cant wait for the first fire in the fireplace and the smells of it wafting through the house. Pulling up a chair to the fire with a book, a cup of hot tea and just chillin by the fire. I love watching my mastiffs fight for space next to it so they can warm themselves so soon I have a blanket of dogs laying around me and the chair.
October is the last month of the year in Celtic year. It is the close of harvesting and "puttin by" stuff and getting ready for winter. October 31st is Samhain-- a day when the veil between this world and the spirit world is thinnest. Doing a ritual on that night is intuitive and spiritual and very much in touch with those things we dont see.
For me its time to get ready for the new year in November. Winter is a time to lay low, hibernate as much as possible and put things away I no longer want or need. To hunker down at the house and watch as things begin to die and brown and even nature itself shuts down to rebirth. For me shutting down and taking in stock what is going on around me, what do i want to give up and what no longer benefits me or serves me well. What seeds can I plant now that will show up in the spring?
I am going to enjoy every moment in October. Lighting a candle nightly on my outside alter as well as my ancestor alter to honor those who have gone ahead. I am going to honor those women who died as witches to a cruel patriarchal religion that dishonored many by their mean spirited beliefs. I am going to honor those men who stood by their women and may have died with them also.
I am going to honor Love. Those people in my life who love me and respect me AS i am...I will honor that.
See? i told you it was another goings on........
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Skeleton Woman
Read the Skeleton Woman Story...It is profound and so relevant to each of us in relationships.
...To love another is not enough, to be "not an impediment" in the life of the other is not enough. It is not enough to be "supportive" and "there for them" and all the rest. The goal is to be knowledgeable about the ways of life and death, in one's own life and in panorama. And the only way to be a knowing man is to go to school in the bones of Skeleton Woman. She is waiting for the signal of deep feeling, the one tear that says, "I admit the wound."
I sometimes am overwhelmed with sadness when I hear stories of failed love, broken hearts, distant emotions and pain and sorrow suffered from lost dreams of love. I am quick to wonder if someone did not stay committed or focused on their relationship and wonder if they had worked a bit harder, if it would have worked. But then I also believe relationships do serve their purpose--however long or short-- and when its time to move on...we must or die inside.
Can we take a deep breath and leave with dignity? with honor and with love for the other person? Can we learn from this grief so we can take these lessons to another relationship and not so much as DO better but CHOOSE better to begin with? Choosing a partner that complements us rather than completes us? As long as we feel we need to be completed, can we really choose wisely?
In the skeleton woman the lesson is understanding the life/death/life cycle of any relationship. That often to just Stop and wait during a lull of love can return us to the original feelings of desire. We all change as we go through life and the true test of maturity is can we weather changes in ourselves as well as our partner. Can we recognize when it IS a change and stand firm through the storm and when it is time to leave gracefully.
I remember during my pre divorce when I so badly wanted to make things right, I did everything I could think of. The problem was I did not know what I was fighting for. I didnt know the real enemy because of course I thought it was me. I was the problem-- I thought if i changed, then all would be well again. It is not until 5 years later that i see it wasnt even about me but about the demons others carry. I was fighting with blinders on and at some point it was time to leave gracefully.
Relationships are hard on the best of conditions, so looking at another person in life and standing with them through it all takes 2 people. Picking up the slack, encouraging and supporting and Believing in each other TO the end is paramount and vital to survival.
I know this is all a rambling process but truly i have a point.
Coming to a point in life where we know relationships of any kind can be as fleeting as a breath or as long standing as the sun but ALL fulfill something in us to the degree destined. Allow each relationship to happen, figure out the ones to let go and fight hard for the others.
And its 3 am in the morning and I just felt like a good ramble.
Postnote: Gender is exchangeable in the story..its not about men and women per se...its about that part of us which is in each of us. In a relationship whether male/female, female/female, male/male-each person must be willing to be skeleton woman and fisherman in order to attain understanding. We both carry male/female perspectives--getting in touch with them and acknowledging them is the point.
...To love another is not enough, to be "not an impediment" in the life of the other is not enough. It is not enough to be "supportive" and "there for them" and all the rest. The goal is to be knowledgeable about the ways of life and death, in one's own life and in panorama. And the only way to be a knowing man is to go to school in the bones of Skeleton Woman. She is waiting for the signal of deep feeling, the one tear that says, "I admit the wound."
I sometimes am overwhelmed with sadness when I hear stories of failed love, broken hearts, distant emotions and pain and sorrow suffered from lost dreams of love. I am quick to wonder if someone did not stay committed or focused on their relationship and wonder if they had worked a bit harder, if it would have worked. But then I also believe relationships do serve their purpose--however long or short-- and when its time to move on...we must or die inside.
Can we take a deep breath and leave with dignity? with honor and with love for the other person? Can we learn from this grief so we can take these lessons to another relationship and not so much as DO better but CHOOSE better to begin with? Choosing a partner that complements us rather than completes us? As long as we feel we need to be completed, can we really choose wisely?
In the skeleton woman the lesson is understanding the life/death/life cycle of any relationship. That often to just Stop and wait during a lull of love can return us to the original feelings of desire. We all change as we go through life and the true test of maturity is can we weather changes in ourselves as well as our partner. Can we recognize when it IS a change and stand firm through the storm and when it is time to leave gracefully.
I remember during my pre divorce when I so badly wanted to make things right, I did everything I could think of. The problem was I did not know what I was fighting for. I didnt know the real enemy because of course I thought it was me. I was the problem-- I thought if i changed, then all would be well again. It is not until 5 years later that i see it wasnt even about me but about the demons others carry. I was fighting with blinders on and at some point it was time to leave gracefully.
Relationships are hard on the best of conditions, so looking at another person in life and standing with them through it all takes 2 people. Picking up the slack, encouraging and supporting and Believing in each other TO the end is paramount and vital to survival.
I know this is all a rambling process but truly i have a point.
Coming to a point in life where we know relationships of any kind can be as fleeting as a breath or as long standing as the sun but ALL fulfill something in us to the degree destined. Allow each relationship to happen, figure out the ones to let go and fight hard for the others.
And its 3 am in the morning and I just felt like a good ramble.
Postnote: Gender is exchangeable in the story..its not about men and women per se...its about that part of us which is in each of us. In a relationship whether male/female, female/female, male/male-each person must be willing to be skeleton woman and fisherman in order to attain understanding. We both carry male/female perspectives--getting in touch with them and acknowledging them is the point.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Womens Space...
Hey cheryl, if you read this email me.. i cant get onto your site and i dont have your email...
The Heretics And The Wonderful History Of Heresies
The Heretics And The Wonderful History Of Heresies
Just the clip is awesome-- a story of passionate women wanting to make change for other women as well as find their own direction and purpose. Dedicating oneself to something this big and often misunderstood is worth thought from all of us.
Just the clip is awesome-- a story of passionate women wanting to make change for other women as well as find their own direction and purpose. Dedicating oneself to something this big and often misunderstood is worth thought from all of us.
Friday, September 11, 2009
We have not come to take prisoners
WE HAVE NOT COME TO TAKE PRISONERS
We have not come here to take prisoners,
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.
We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.
Run my dear,
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.
Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision
Of your beautiful heart.
We have a duty to befriend
Those aspects of obedience
That stand outside of our house
And shout to our reason
"O please, O please,
Come out and play."
For we have not come here to take prisoners
Or to confine our wondrous spirits,
But to experience ever and ever more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom and
Light!
~ Hafiz ~
We have not come here to take prisoners,
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.
We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.
Run my dear,
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.
Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision
Of your beautiful heart.
We have a duty to befriend
Those aspects of obedience
That stand outside of our house
And shout to our reason
"O please, O please,
Come out and play."
For we have not come here to take prisoners
Or to confine our wondrous spirits,
But to experience ever and ever more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom and
Light!
~ Hafiz ~
Friday, September 4, 2009
An unusual Gift from the Universe
so i left the house around 1pm to go run a few errands and to get some items for this really liscious corn/black bean salad. I decided to stop quickly at the thrift store for a restocking of cups and bowls that seem to magically disappear here. As i was opening my car door to leave the thrift store, a gentlemen stops me and comments about my bumper stickers. The COEXIST done in all religious symbols and the Unrepentant Hippie. We started talking about religious, political and even personal experiences of life. We stood there for like 20 mins and then decided to go to Starbucks and have a coffee and talk more.
What a life he has had... around 65 and very involved with the de-segregation of Alabama during the 60s, part of federal programs then and a long history with political activism. An atheist, liberal, hippie and all around nice guy--we sat for 3 more hours just telling stories and reminiscing about the 60s and 70s and life in general. I was excited to meet someone who wasnt a religious nut in this town and just listened mostly.
As we left he apologized for keeping me so long...i said...noway apologize--This was a nice afternoon gift from the universe and I enjoyed every minute of it!! I hope I can meet your wife and kids and friends cause I need more conversation with people who actually think about their lives and their choices!!! AND he knew of a local place to do pottery as he is a sculptor and his wife an artist.... neat people!!!
I got home and made a corn/black bean/coucous salad with lots of cilantro, peppers and artichokes..YUM!! an end to a great day!!
Thanks Universe!!!!
What a life he has had... around 65 and very involved with the de-segregation of Alabama during the 60s, part of federal programs then and a long history with political activism. An atheist, liberal, hippie and all around nice guy--we sat for 3 more hours just telling stories and reminiscing about the 60s and 70s and life in general. I was excited to meet someone who wasnt a religious nut in this town and just listened mostly.
As we left he apologized for keeping me so long...i said...noway apologize--This was a nice afternoon gift from the universe and I enjoyed every minute of it!! I hope I can meet your wife and kids and friends cause I need more conversation with people who actually think about their lives and their choices!!! AND he knew of a local place to do pottery as he is a sculptor and his wife an artist.... neat people!!!
I got home and made a corn/black bean/coucous salad with lots of cilantro, peppers and artichokes..YUM!! an end to a great day!!
Thanks Universe!!!!
The Great Work
THE GREAT WORK
Love
Is the great work
Though every heart is first an
Apprentice
That slaves beneath the city of Light.
This wondrous trade,
This magnificent throne your soul
Is destined for-
You should not have to think
Much about it,
Is it not clear
An apprentice needs a teacher
Who himself
Has charmed the universe
To reveal its wonders inside his cup.
Happiness is the great work,
Though every heart must first become
A student
To one
Who really knows
About Love.
~ Hafiz ~
Love
Is the great work
Though every heart is first an
Apprentice
That slaves beneath the city of Light.
This wondrous trade,
This magnificent throne your soul
Is destined for-
You should not have to think
Much about it,
Is it not clear
An apprentice needs a teacher
Who himself
Has charmed the universe
To reveal its wonders inside his cup.
Happiness is the great work,
Though every heart must first become
A student
To one
Who really knows
About Love.
~ Hafiz ~
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Song of the Builders
Song of the Builders
On a summer morning
I sat down
on a hillside
to think about God -
a worthy pastime.
Near me, I saw
a single cricket;
it was moving the grains of the hillside
this way and that way.
How great was its energy,
how humble its effort.
Let us hope
it will always be like this,
each of us going on
in our inexplicable ways
building the universe.
~ Mary Oliver ~
On a summer morning
I sat down
on a hillside
to think about God -
a worthy pastime.
Near me, I saw
a single cricket;
it was moving the grains of the hillside
this way and that way.
How great was its energy,
how humble its effort.
Let us hope
it will always be like this,
each of us going on
in our inexplicable ways
building the universe.
~ Mary Oliver ~
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Julie and Julia
I took the 2 girls to see this movie. Anything with Meryl Streep in it is good for me :)
I love cooking so that was a plus, loved seeing parts of Paris I had been to years ago and loved seeing a really good movie.
I have read some of the reviews on it and my most fav review hit it right on as to why I loved this movie. Seeing Julia Childs husband so loving and tender and so IN love with her was awesome. Seeing older people so obviously in love and enjoying every moment that comes their way brought tears to my eyes.
THATS what I want...a love that surpasses expectations and baggage and just Loves every day. Enjoys the delights of food, companionship, intimacy and daily life even when moving around. Mutual admiration is vital to an equal and vibrant life together.
Great movie and worth seeing!!
I love cooking so that was a plus, loved seeing parts of Paris I had been to years ago and loved seeing a really good movie.
I have read some of the reviews on it and my most fav review hit it right on as to why I loved this movie. Seeing Julia Childs husband so loving and tender and so IN love with her was awesome. Seeing older people so obviously in love and enjoying every moment that comes their way brought tears to my eyes.
THATS what I want...a love that surpasses expectations and baggage and just Loves every day. Enjoys the delights of food, companionship, intimacy and daily life even when moving around. Mutual admiration is vital to an equal and vibrant life together.
Great movie and worth seeing!!
Happy Birthday
So this is to wish someone I love a happy birthday. I hope all your dreams and hopes come true and you live an authentic and passionate life. I hope the Goddess blesses you with all manner of choices and paths that you can take to walk as true to yourself as possible.
I know you will do well cause you are of me..a child of my womb..how could you do less? Dont listen to the voices around you that are negative or ego driven or manipulative but instead be courageous and LIVE your life as you want to.
I want laughter for you and passion and purpose and friends who see you as who you are.
Happy birthday and may the Universe Cackle with Joy as you go about living.
I know you will do well cause you are of me..a child of my womb..how could you do less? Dont listen to the voices around you that are negative or ego driven or manipulative but instead be courageous and LIVE your life as you want to.
I want laughter for you and passion and purpose and friends who see you as who you are.
Happy birthday and may the Universe Cackle with Joy as you go about living.
Courage again..
Recently I was conversing with a friend. We have known each other over a year and he lives in Texas several hundred miles away from his kids which he sees rarely. As we were talking last night he mentioned he was moving back close to his kids and i said Good!! your kids need you!! He said " A few months ago you said something to me that made me so mad at you that i hung up on you." I asked what was that since i have a habit of saying things that people dont like... he said when i first moved so far from my kid(due to a bad divorce) you said...Be a man about this and STAY near your kids. Your kids are vital and even if the divorce is hard and cruel your kids need YOU their dad" He then said i knew it was the truth and i got mad at you because it WAS the truth and i did not want to hear it.
Then he said NOONE else he knows has told him that. They have all said not to move back there, or that their kids will be allright rarely seeing him and just stay where he is. He finds this interesting especially amongst his christian family and friends because noone has told him his kids need him a lot!! The only person who has told him this is a pagan friend--me.
I told him he needed to be with his kids cause i believe kids need their dad and mom. I told him the truth because I dont think lying or avoiding the truth is a authentic way to live. And I am glad I did because now he realizes what he needs to do cause someone spoke the truth even when it was not received well.
Part of courage IS saying what is the truth and doing what is right. Even when people get mad at me or lash out at me or hang up on me, I must say it. And i must say it with love and compassion and say it once. I dont need to harp on the truth or remind someone constantly of what i believe. I say it once and let the person figure it out. The words are there within their conscience and will be there when they are finally able to use it.
And the other question is why noone else said this. Are we so anti child we cant even suggest a dad needs to be near his kids???? I find that sad and hypocritical that Christians who claim to be SO family oriented would not even see that as vital to the well being of children!!!!
Then he said NOONE else he knows has told him that. They have all said not to move back there, or that their kids will be allright rarely seeing him and just stay where he is. He finds this interesting especially amongst his christian family and friends because noone has told him his kids need him a lot!! The only person who has told him this is a pagan friend--me.
I told him he needed to be with his kids cause i believe kids need their dad and mom. I told him the truth because I dont think lying or avoiding the truth is a authentic way to live. And I am glad I did because now he realizes what he needs to do cause someone spoke the truth even when it was not received well.
Part of courage IS saying what is the truth and doing what is right. Even when people get mad at me or lash out at me or hang up on me, I must say it. And i must say it with love and compassion and say it once. I dont need to harp on the truth or remind someone constantly of what i believe. I say it once and let the person figure it out. The words are there within their conscience and will be there when they are finally able to use it.
And the other question is why noone else said this. Are we so anti child we cant even suggest a dad needs to be near his kids???? I find that sad and hypocritical that Christians who claim to be SO family oriented would not even see that as vital to the well being of children!!!!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Courage
Courage is an interesting word. Brave is another. These words are used a lot to describe another persons actions or choices. What i have found it that it also places a person on a pedestal far removed from mortals. Then they become bigger than life and when they show human foibles, shot down in a heartbeat.
Posted on another site was this amazingly accurate piece about courage... along with a short poem a commenter gave which i SO resonate with:
The Chrystos Poem:
“If you ever
again tell me
how strong I am
I’ll lay down on the ground and moan so you’ll see
at last my human weakness like your own”
( This poem is for all those people who lessened my value as a person by saying How BRAVE I am for just living my life)
The blog: Laurelin in the Rain
and a small excerpt:
Being known as a strong or courageous person (are those words synonyms? They are in my head, I think) can be very difficult- it can mean (although does not always mean) that people expect you to be strong, and that you execrate yourself when you do not reach the overly-high expectations you (or others) have of yourself.
No-one should have to be strong/ courageous all the time.
But then again, courage doesn’t mean what people often think it means.
Courage is that strand of steel that holds you together. It is the inner voice that sees truth when others around you insist you are a liar. It is the refusal to compromise integrity, the demand to be considered as a human being, the acceptance of fear rather than the denial of it.
Unafraid people cannot be courageous. There is no courage without fear.
Courage is not aggression. It is not the condition of speaking deliberately to hurt, of trying to damage another human being. It may well involve speaking and knowing that what you are saying may hurt another’s feelings, but if that is the only aim of your speech, your speech does not come from courage. Sometimes the conscience will say You must speak. It will hurt some others, but it will be more damaging if you do not speak now. You must speak................
Rock On and A High Five for a great post!!!
PS and another link to read about courage
Posted on another site was this amazingly accurate piece about courage... along with a short poem a commenter gave which i SO resonate with:
The Chrystos Poem:
“If you ever
again tell me
how strong I am
I’ll lay down on the ground and moan so you’ll see
at last my human weakness like your own”
( This poem is for all those people who lessened my value as a person by saying How BRAVE I am for just living my life)
The blog: Laurelin in the Rain
and a small excerpt:
Being known as a strong or courageous person (are those words synonyms? They are in my head, I think) can be very difficult- it can mean (although does not always mean) that people expect you to be strong, and that you execrate yourself when you do not reach the overly-high expectations you (or others) have of yourself.
No-one should have to be strong/ courageous all the time.
But then again, courage doesn’t mean what people often think it means.
Courage is that strand of steel that holds you together. It is the inner voice that sees truth when others around you insist you are a liar. It is the refusal to compromise integrity, the demand to be considered as a human being, the acceptance of fear rather than the denial of it.
Unafraid people cannot be courageous. There is no courage without fear.
Courage is not aggression. It is not the condition of speaking deliberately to hurt, of trying to damage another human being. It may well involve speaking and knowing that what you are saying may hurt another’s feelings, but if that is the only aim of your speech, your speech does not come from courage. Sometimes the conscience will say You must speak. It will hurt some others, but it will be more damaging if you do not speak now. You must speak................
Rock On and A High Five for a great post!!!
PS and another link to read about courage
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Watched Benjamin Button
Finally watched this movie... and I of course think Cate is hot--brad is ok i guess-- but what i caught most from the movies that i loved is the concept of =Living Your Life and if you dont like it CHANGE it..Start Now and make it different. Dont waste a moment feeling sorry for yourself or being the victim or whining about circumstance.
Living in the past-regretting choices made=bemoaning consequences of choices IS all a waste of Time. To not motivate oneself to MAKE a difference starting NOW is sad to me.
I know people who simply WONT change..it requires energy and movement and hard choices and they dont want to do it. Its comfy in the place of sadness. Its not challenging in the place of stagnation and its easy to stay in the place of frozen fear of change. Hanging around others in this state of existence keeps them feeling safe and secure and if they have people around them in a even worse state of victimness..then they feel good and at least less sadness.
This movie makes a point of stating..Live your life. Change it if its not working. Dont regret the past.
Living in the past-regretting choices made=bemoaning consequences of choices IS all a waste of Time. To not motivate oneself to MAKE a difference starting NOW is sad to me.
I know people who simply WONT change..it requires energy and movement and hard choices and they dont want to do it. Its comfy in the place of sadness. Its not challenging in the place of stagnation and its easy to stay in the place of frozen fear of change. Hanging around others in this state of existence keeps them feeling safe and secure and if they have people around them in a even worse state of victimness..then they feel good and at least less sadness.
This movie makes a point of stating..Live your life. Change it if its not working. Dont regret the past.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Introductions
Introductions
Some of what we love
we stumble upon ˜
a purse of gold thrown on the road,
a poem, a friend, a great song.
And more
discloses itself to us ˜
a well among green hazels,
a nut thicket ˜
when we are worn out searching
for something quite different.
And more
comes to us, carried
as carefully
as a bright cup of water,
as new bread.
~ Moya Cannon ~
Some of what we love
we stumble upon ˜
a purse of gold thrown on the road,
a poem, a friend, a great song.
And more
discloses itself to us ˜
a well among green hazels,
a nut thicket ˜
when we are worn out searching
for something quite different.
And more
comes to us, carried
as carefully
as a bright cup of water,
as new bread.
~ Moya Cannon ~
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Chillin Sunday
Today was a cool day. Cool having various meanings.
Cool as in the weather was nice and cool and not humid! It was lovely to sit out and eat dinner by the pond.
Cool as in I made grilled out hamburgers with strawberry/blackberry fruit salad with real whipped cream :) YUM!!!
Cool as in nothing to do today except take 2 final tests and then im done with this course and do not have to get back into school work for 3 weeks!!!!
Cool as in I almost got the light fixed in my bathroom but as in ALL old houses there seemed to be surprises that make any fixing up to be adventuresome!!! So thats on hold til the next weekend.
Cool as in it was a great day!!
I love when a day is just fluid and flows as comfortably as an old sweater put on that you just wrap up in and feel content.
Life sometimes gives that day to me and I smile.....and take a deep breath and ENJOY!!!
Cool as in the weather was nice and cool and not humid! It was lovely to sit out and eat dinner by the pond.
Cool as in I made grilled out hamburgers with strawberry/blackberry fruit salad with real whipped cream :) YUM!!!
Cool as in nothing to do today except take 2 final tests and then im done with this course and do not have to get back into school work for 3 weeks!!!!
Cool as in I almost got the light fixed in my bathroom but as in ALL old houses there seemed to be surprises that make any fixing up to be adventuresome!!! So thats on hold til the next weekend.
Cool as in it was a great day!!
I love when a day is just fluid and flows as comfortably as an old sweater put on that you just wrap up in and feel content.
Life sometimes gives that day to me and I smile.....and take a deep breath and ENJOY!!!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Having come this far...a repeat
Having Come This Far
I've been through what my through was to be
I did what I could and couldn't
I was never sure how I would get there
I nourished an ardor for thresholds
for stepping stones and for ladders
I discovered detour and ditch
I swam in the high tides of greed
I built sandcastles to house my dreams
I survived the sunburns of love
No longer do I hunt for targets
I've climbed all the summits I need to
and I've eaten my share of lotus
Now I give praise and thanks
for what could not be avoided
and for every foolhardy choice
I cherish my wounds and their cures
and the sweet enervations of bliss
My book is an open life
I wave goodbye to the absolutes
and send my regards to infinity
I'd rather be blithe than correct
Until something transcendent turns up
I splash in my poetry puddle
and try to keep God amused.
~ James Broughton ~
I've been through what my through was to be
I did what I could and couldn't
I was never sure how I would get there
I nourished an ardor for thresholds
for stepping stones and for ladders
I discovered detour and ditch
I swam in the high tides of greed
I built sandcastles to house my dreams
I survived the sunburns of love
No longer do I hunt for targets
I've climbed all the summits I need to
and I've eaten my share of lotus
Now I give praise and thanks
for what could not be avoided
and for every foolhardy choice
I cherish my wounds and their cures
and the sweet enervations of bliss
My book is an open life
I wave goodbye to the absolutes
and send my regards to infinity
I'd rather be blithe than correct
Until something transcendent turns up
I splash in my poetry puddle
and try to keep God amused.
~ James Broughton ~
Love does that
LOVE DOES THAT
All day long a little burro labors, sometimes
with heavy loads on her back and sometimes just with worries
about things that bother only
burros.
And worries, as we know, can be more exhausting
than physical labor.
Once in a while a kind monk comes
to her stable and brings
a pear, but more
than that,
he looks into the burro's eyes and touches her ears
and for a few seconds the burro is free
and even seems to laugh,
because love does
that.
Love Frees.
~ Meister Eckhart ~
All day long a little burro labors, sometimes
with heavy loads on her back and sometimes just with worries
about things that bother only
burros.
And worries, as we know, can be more exhausting
than physical labor.
Once in a while a kind monk comes
to her stable and brings
a pear, but more
than that,
he looks into the burro's eyes and touches her ears
and for a few seconds the burro is free
and even seems to laugh,
because love does
that.
Love Frees.
~ Meister Eckhart ~
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Life
I am learning more and more to let life unfurl around me and watch what happens. Now my nature is still to plan my goals and what things i want to accomplish but I also know plans change on a whim at times...in a blink and for the most part for the better.
I want to have a balance of planning and flexible when it changes course. I have found I will plan for X goal..and yet the goal turns into Y and the skills/learning/knowledge i acquired for goal X was even more vital for goal Y and i didnt even know goal Y existed.
Once i step out of others dramas, find my authentic self, learn to say No to others and enjoy love when its there..i am where i am suppose to be.
Others need their dramas and staying out of it keeps my energy from being zapped and dark..observing from a safe distance is best :)
Knowing how i want to live my life and then stepping out often with unusual ideas or beliefs is being true to my authentic self. I have ideas about what i want, who i am, who i will love and who i will walk away from and it has nothing to do with THEM but to do with ME.
Saying no is tough..i have always been the nurturer..but i am practicing and becoming more comfortable with it.
And knowing when love is knocking on my door and just allowing it to be what it is and how long it will be is healing and empowering for me. People come into my life for brief times and for longer periods..but ALL are for my experiences. I accept them all and honor all the love that has come into my life.
I want to have a balance of planning and flexible when it changes course. I have found I will plan for X goal..and yet the goal turns into Y and the skills/learning/knowledge i acquired for goal X was even more vital for goal Y and i didnt even know goal Y existed.
Once i step out of others dramas, find my authentic self, learn to say No to others and enjoy love when its there..i am where i am suppose to be.
Others need their dramas and staying out of it keeps my energy from being zapped and dark..observing from a safe distance is best :)
Knowing how i want to live my life and then stepping out often with unusual ideas or beliefs is being true to my authentic self. I have ideas about what i want, who i am, who i will love and who i will walk away from and it has nothing to do with THEM but to do with ME.
Saying no is tough..i have always been the nurturer..but i am practicing and becoming more comfortable with it.
And knowing when love is knocking on my door and just allowing it to be what it is and how long it will be is healing and empowering for me. People come into my life for brief times and for longer periods..but ALL are for my experiences. I accept them all and honor all the love that has come into my life.
Friday, August 7, 2009
boundaries..good or bad?
The older i get the less I allow in my life that does not benefit me or mean me good. I know this can sound selfish and on many levels it is but it is also a way of keeping myself from drama of others. In my younger years, I would allow people to say or do unkind things to me and i would just brush it off as MY fault..i would accept blame for their actions. I would not want to hurt their feelings by calling them out nor could I walk away. Often i put myself in the fixer of all hurts mode and feel compelled to help a person with their issues.
Now i see that as my ego wanting to be hero and martyr and angel to everyone EXCEPT for me. I would allow my own feelings and emotions to be secondary in importance to others. But then i realized a few things... one is that it made me feel sad and used a lot... two it caused others to blame me when I couldnt fix them and thirdly I got tired of always being the one to expected to fix things...
So now i need and use boundaries..not to judge others behaviors or to make myself out to be better..but to protect myself and to allow others to just be who they are. i dont know what path others are on..it may very well be this life is a self destructive path for them and who am I to fix that?? Why cant i just step back and live my own life and not interfere with others? Which is why i have to say i cant be a part of some behaviors that i dont agree with or want in my life.
Some will say I am being judgmental..but is it judgmental to stay clear of others drama? is is wrong to not feel responsible for others choices in life? Can i set up a boundary without saying someone's behaviors are right or wrong but just are theirs??
I am saddened when i have to step away from someone i like or even love because the hurt and the negativity is more than I need in my life. My path is the only path i can walk..and i dont often know where that is even going so to nudge others onto a path that may not be theres, smacks of egotism and self centeredness. I want only to live my life and others live theirs..and if i find a companion that fits well with me, then so be it.
Now i see that as my ego wanting to be hero and martyr and angel to everyone EXCEPT for me. I would allow my own feelings and emotions to be secondary in importance to others. But then i realized a few things... one is that it made me feel sad and used a lot... two it caused others to blame me when I couldnt fix them and thirdly I got tired of always being the one to expected to fix things...
So now i need and use boundaries..not to judge others behaviors or to make myself out to be better..but to protect myself and to allow others to just be who they are. i dont know what path others are on..it may very well be this life is a self destructive path for them and who am I to fix that?? Why cant i just step back and live my own life and not interfere with others? Which is why i have to say i cant be a part of some behaviors that i dont agree with or want in my life.
Some will say I am being judgmental..but is it judgmental to stay clear of others drama? is is wrong to not feel responsible for others choices in life? Can i set up a boundary without saying someone's behaviors are right or wrong but just are theirs??
I am saddened when i have to step away from someone i like or even love because the hurt and the negativity is more than I need in my life. My path is the only path i can walk..and i dont often know where that is even going so to nudge others onto a path that may not be theres, smacks of egotism and self centeredness. I want only to live my life and others live theirs..and if i find a companion that fits well with me, then so be it.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
strength
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it... You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Change is never a Waste of time
"(Change Is) Never A Waste Of Time"
I know there's a reason you're forcing a smile
You hide what you're feeling and you have for a while
I can tell that you're falling
And you feel that you can't go on
But a new day is calling
And you'll see that the feeling is gone
You know you're not the only one
Who has a lot to overcome
And when the time has come then you move on
'Cause you've been crying for too long
Sometimes life is so unkind
But change is never a waste of time
I know how you're feeling, I've been there before
The hurting is something much to strong to ignore
Don't be waiting for someone
Who can take all your fear away
When there's no one to listen
That is when you should not be afraid
You know you're not the only one
Who has a lot to overcome
And when the time has come then you move on
'Cause you've been crying for too long
Sometimes life is so unkind
But change is never a waste of time
But change is never a waste... it's never a waste of time
Sunday, August 2, 2009
All the true Vows
ALL THE TRUE VOWS
All the true vows
are secret vows
the ones we speak out loud
are the ones we break.
There is only one life
you can call your own
and a thousand others
you can call by any name you want.
Hold to the truth you make
every day with your own body,
don't turn your face away.
Hold to your own truth
at the center of the image
you were born with.
Those who do not understand
their destiny will never understand
the friends they have made
nor the work they have chosen
nor the one life that waits
beyond all the others.
By the lake in the wood
in the shadows
you can
whisper that truth
to the quiet reflection
you see in the water.
Whatever you hear from
the water, remember,
it wants to carry
the sound of its truth on your lips.
Remember,
in this place
no one can hear you
and out of the silence
you can make a promise
it will kill you to break,
that way you‚ll find
what is real and what is not.
I know what I am saying.
Time almost forsook me
and I looked again.
Seeing my reflection
I broke a promise
and spoke
for the first time
after all these years
in my own voice,
before it was too late
to turn my face again.
~ David Whyte ~
All the true vows
are secret vows
the ones we speak out loud
are the ones we break.
There is only one life
you can call your own
and a thousand others
you can call by any name you want.
Hold to the truth you make
every day with your own body,
don't turn your face away.
Hold to your own truth
at the center of the image
you were born with.
Those who do not understand
their destiny will never understand
the friends they have made
nor the work they have chosen
nor the one life that waits
beyond all the others.
By the lake in the wood
in the shadows
you can
whisper that truth
to the quiet reflection
you see in the water.
Whatever you hear from
the water, remember,
it wants to carry
the sound of its truth on your lips.
Remember,
in this place
no one can hear you
and out of the silence
you can make a promise
it will kill you to break,
that way you‚ll find
what is real and what is not.
I know what I am saying.
Time almost forsook me
and I looked again.
Seeing my reflection
I broke a promise
and spoke
for the first time
after all these years
in my own voice,
before it was too late
to turn my face again.
~ David Whyte ~
the right thing?
For some odd reason, those words struck something as i wrote them. As i was thinking on it, i realized it had to do with the word right. Define right. What is right. Who is right. Is it right for the moment. Is there a right.
I dont mean do the right thing everyone thinks you should do or that your religious beliefs demand or what you culture/society/family expect... but do the right thing.
I believe (and remember my beliefs are fluid) there isnt really a right or wrong but just right for right now. We have many paths open to us and we simply choose the one right for now. I dont know that anyone chooses wrong but definitely there can be learning consequences for any choice including the ones we choose that seem to be right for others.
I have made decisions that are right for me but everyone else thought was wrong. Were they the right ones? I dont know...i do know it was the right path at the time.
I think of life as a meandering journey to get to THE point- I believe as a spiritual being I planned a few of the highlights along the way that i must do to experience this life as I want to. Remember the Family Circle cartoon where the boy meanders from point A to point B? It takes him forever and various things catch his attention and cause him to wander BUT he makes it to his point B.
Thats my life. I know im heading somewhere--Point B- but the journey keeps distracting me to explore and relish and wander this experience so any choice i make is right.
The problem we have of course is how Others see our choices. They dont like them, does not fit in with their own choices or perceptions of right or they criticise you for not being mature or smart.
Fuck em i say.. Make your choices. Live your life. Be kind but make your own choices about your own life cause noone else is going to LIVE your life but you.
Be authentic. Be aware. Be in the present however brief that is (ooooh another thought on there is no present only a future and a part!!!! Future post)
I know my choices will hurt others because of their expectations of me based on ignorance and fear and narrow beliefs, but i still must live my life as I see it.
I dont mean do the right thing everyone thinks you should do or that your religious beliefs demand or what you culture/society/family expect... but do the right thing.
I believe (and remember my beliefs are fluid) there isnt really a right or wrong but just right for right now. We have many paths open to us and we simply choose the one right for now. I dont know that anyone chooses wrong but definitely there can be learning consequences for any choice including the ones we choose that seem to be right for others.
I have made decisions that are right for me but everyone else thought was wrong. Were they the right ones? I dont know...i do know it was the right path at the time.
I think of life as a meandering journey to get to THE point- I believe as a spiritual being I planned a few of the highlights along the way that i must do to experience this life as I want to. Remember the Family Circle cartoon where the boy meanders from point A to point B? It takes him forever and various things catch his attention and cause him to wander BUT he makes it to his point B.
Thats my life. I know im heading somewhere--Point B- but the journey keeps distracting me to explore and relish and wander this experience so any choice i make is right.
The problem we have of course is how Others see our choices. They dont like them, does not fit in with their own choices or perceptions of right or they criticise you for not being mature or smart.
Fuck em i say.. Make your choices. Live your life. Be kind but make your own choices about your own life cause noone else is going to LIVE your life but you.
Be authentic. Be aware. Be in the present however brief that is (ooooh another thought on there is no present only a future and a part!!!! Future post)
I know my choices will hurt others because of their expectations of me based on ignorance and fear and narrow beliefs, but i still must live my life as I see it.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Always do the right thing...
As I wrote that and reread it later on the previous post.. thoughts came to mind about what that means..
So stayed tune for further elaboration and waxing wisely on that.......
So stayed tune for further elaboration and waxing wisely on that.......
August 1
My oldest child is 26 today. My how time flies!!! It just seems yesterday I was pregnant and searching for a midwife in washington state to have a homebirth. I did find the most awesome midwives and forever grateful for their strong woman centered approach to birth. It has been the cornerstone to who I am today.
Little did i know how changed I would be after this child was born..learning how to parent had been and still is an adventure in itself. Just when I think I figure it out--someone changes the game!!
I remember a quote I read once.. each day seems a eternity yet the years fly by..how true!!
Happy Birthday to my oldest..may he be who he is suppose to be and touch the hearts of those around him. May he be honorable to his own soul and kind to others. And always do the right thing.
Little did i know how changed I would be after this child was born..learning how to parent had been and still is an adventure in itself. Just when I think I figure it out--someone changes the game!!
I remember a quote I read once.. each day seems a eternity yet the years fly by..how true!!
Happy Birthday to my oldest..may he be who he is suppose to be and touch the hearts of those around him. May he be honorable to his own soul and kind to others. And always do the right thing.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
On Prayer
However you say words of comfort or encouragement to another.......
On Prayer
You ask me how to pray to someone who is not.
All I know is that prayer constructs a velvet bridge
And walking it we are aloft, as on a springboard,
Above landscapes the color of ripe gold
Transformed by a magic stopping of the sun.
That bridge leads to the shore of Reversal
Where everything is just the opposite and the word 'is'
Unveils a meaning we hardly envisioned.
Notice: I say we; there, every one, separately,
Feels compassion for others entangled in the flesh
And knows that if there is no other shore
We will walk that aerial bridge all the same.
~ Czeslaw Milosz ~
On Prayer
You ask me how to pray to someone who is not.
All I know is that prayer constructs a velvet bridge
And walking it we are aloft, as on a springboard,
Above landscapes the color of ripe gold
Transformed by a magic stopping of the sun.
That bridge leads to the shore of Reversal
Where everything is just the opposite and the word 'is'
Unveils a meaning we hardly envisioned.
Notice: I say we; there, every one, separately,
Feels compassion for others entangled in the flesh
And knows that if there is no other shore
We will walk that aerial bridge all the same.
~ Czeslaw Milosz ~
A post for ruminating...
CERTAINTY
Certainty undermines one's power, and turns happiness
into a long shot. Certainty confines.
Dears, there is nothing in your life that will
not change - especially your ideas of God.
Look what the insanity of righteous knowledge can do:
crusade and maim thousands
in wanting to convert that which
is already gold
into gold.
Certainty can become an illness
that creates hate and
greed.
God once said to Tuka,
"Even I am ever changing -
I am ever beyond
Myself,
what I may have once put my seal upon,
may no longer be
the greatest
Truth."
~ Tukaram ~
Certainty undermines one's power, and turns happiness
into a long shot. Certainty confines.
Dears, there is nothing in your life that will
not change - especially your ideas of God.
Look what the insanity of righteous knowledge can do:
crusade and maim thousands
in wanting to convert that which
is already gold
into gold.
Certainty can become an illness
that creates hate and
greed.
God once said to Tuka,
"Even I am ever changing -
I am ever beyond
Myself,
what I may have once put my seal upon,
may no longer be
the greatest
Truth."
~ Tukaram ~
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Stories
Part of my job entails listening. Listening to women talk to me about their lives, their pregnancies, their children and their families. I have found that the first step to healing is talking and having someone to listen. I believe words are powerful and create energy as they are spoken as well as dispel negative emotional energy in the body. Simply by saying the words creates the path to healing.
What i have also found is people want and need to tell their stories without judgement or criticism. They need to feel safe and listened to. I have also realized as I have gotten older how important it is to step back before making a judgement about someone's actions and think that there is more to this story. Often behavior is directly related to a story that needs to come out.
As a healer, I can give those around me the space to talk. I can see this as a gift i am giving that allows a person to speak freely.
To not be in a hurry, to not be thinking of my net answer and to breath deeply as i feel the energy around me.
I have heard deeply sad stories and amazingly joyous ones. Stories from the heart of a woman and how she has allowed others to treat her. I have heard words that broke my heart and moved the very deepest parts of my soul. Sometimes i wonder how does this woman bear this story daily? Sometimes i just sit and cry with her while holding her hand and sometimes i hold her in a complete hug and let her cry.
As per a previous post I dont give answers as they dont exist. I believe each of us has our own answers and we just need to find it ourselves. I am just an anchor to help them clear their hearts and minds.
All my life i have found people will tell me things about themselves they have not told anyone else. They will tell me a story and suddenly look at me and say "Wow., i have never told anyone that, why did i tell you all that?". Complete strangers will feel comfortable telling me their deepest stories. How privileged I have been to be a part of that healing.
Everyone has stories--they are the life we lead. Have you listened to a story lately?
What i have also found is people want and need to tell their stories without judgement or criticism. They need to feel safe and listened to. I have also realized as I have gotten older how important it is to step back before making a judgement about someone's actions and think that there is more to this story. Often behavior is directly related to a story that needs to come out.
As a healer, I can give those around me the space to talk. I can see this as a gift i am giving that allows a person to speak freely.
To not be in a hurry, to not be thinking of my net answer and to breath deeply as i feel the energy around me.
I have heard deeply sad stories and amazingly joyous ones. Stories from the heart of a woman and how she has allowed others to treat her. I have heard words that broke my heart and moved the very deepest parts of my soul. Sometimes i wonder how does this woman bear this story daily? Sometimes i just sit and cry with her while holding her hand and sometimes i hold her in a complete hug and let her cry.
As per a previous post I dont give answers as they dont exist. I believe each of us has our own answers and we just need to find it ourselves. I am just an anchor to help them clear their hearts and minds.
All my life i have found people will tell me things about themselves they have not told anyone else. They will tell me a story and suddenly look at me and say "Wow., i have never told anyone that, why did i tell you all that?". Complete strangers will feel comfortable telling me their deepest stories. How privileged I have been to be a part of that healing.
Everyone has stories--they are the life we lead. Have you listened to a story lately?
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Jackson Browne
And another song i listened to....
Jackson Browne!
I aint no communist
I aint no capitalist
I aint no socialist
I aint no imperialist
I aint no Democrat
Sure aint no republican
I only know one party
and it is Freedom!!!!!!!!
" I want to run like a lion
released from the cages
released from the rages.
burning in my hearts and minds"
Jackson Browne!
I aint no communist
I aint no capitalist
I aint no socialist
I aint no imperialist
I aint no Democrat
Sure aint no republican
I only know one party
and it is Freedom!!!!!!!!
" I want to run like a lion
released from the cages
released from the rages.
burning in my hearts and minds"
Friday, July 24, 2009
Musings and Meanderings of thought
I spend a lot of time on the road driving. My job keeps me out and about and I spend this time usually thinking, planning, dreaming (I can dream and drive!!!) My kids try to talk to me when I drive which i can hear them but i hate responding to them cause it breaks my own process.
Anyway, I am on a 6 day hiatus to the coast of alabama. I am mixing business with pleasure. I have a couple of seminars I must do in 3 different places and try and go to the beach to collect sand for my outdoor alter.
ANYWAY... I made a music CD of some of my warrior songs, songs that kept me alive years ago during a bad time and relistened to them as i drove. It was awesome to see where I am now and remember where i was then.
One song I have found that i posted a few days ago is The wheel by roseanne cash.
A line in there called to my attention:
I'm not looking for the answers.
Oh, darling don't you see
That just to know the question
Is good enough for me.
IT caught my attention and I started forming thoughts and reactions to it.
So often in life we dont ask questions. We are afraid to cause answers can be hard to hear. And more often there are not answers just more questions. Even authority/govt/medical people dont like anyone asking questions as it seems to undermine THEIR authority and their being in charge. Questions are the bane of most religions..you dont ask ANY questions that might put doubt about a belief
BUT asking questions enlightens us even when and especially when there are NO answers and never will be. ASKING the question brings us outside the "box" of thinking we are in due to our upbringing,, culture, society pressures and religious beliefs. Most of the life changing, mind expanding questions never ever have an answer but the process of forming out hearts thoughts makes us grow.
And THAT can be dangerous or alienating or sad or hard for those around us when we start stepping out on nothing but questions. Cause they still believe there are answers to be found BEFORE making any changes.
I have tons of questions and I am not expecting any answers THOUGH my path becomes apparent to me as i go along observing and watching.
Questions need to be asked by everyone... and forget the answers...they just aint there.
Anyway, I am on a 6 day hiatus to the coast of alabama. I am mixing business with pleasure. I have a couple of seminars I must do in 3 different places and try and go to the beach to collect sand for my outdoor alter.
ANYWAY... I made a music CD of some of my warrior songs, songs that kept me alive years ago during a bad time and relistened to them as i drove. It was awesome to see where I am now and remember where i was then.
One song I have found that i posted a few days ago is The wheel by roseanne cash.
A line in there called to my attention:
I'm not looking for the answers.
Oh, darling don't you see
That just to know the question
Is good enough for me.
IT caught my attention and I started forming thoughts and reactions to it.
So often in life we dont ask questions. We are afraid to cause answers can be hard to hear. And more often there are not answers just more questions. Even authority/govt/medical people dont like anyone asking questions as it seems to undermine THEIR authority and their being in charge. Questions are the bane of most religions..you dont ask ANY questions that might put doubt about a belief
BUT asking questions enlightens us even when and especially when there are NO answers and never will be. ASKING the question brings us outside the "box" of thinking we are in due to our upbringing,, culture, society pressures and religious beliefs. Most of the life changing, mind expanding questions never ever have an answer but the process of forming out hearts thoughts makes us grow.
And THAT can be dangerous or alienating or sad or hard for those around us when we start stepping out on nothing but questions. Cause they still believe there are answers to be found BEFORE making any changes.
I have tons of questions and I am not expecting any answers THOUGH my path becomes apparent to me as i go along observing and watching.
Questions need to be asked by everyone... and forget the answers...they just aint there.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
weekend plans
So today i went about town looking for things for my outside alter to the goddess. I wanted a wind chime, candleholders, a statue and rocks. I found them all including a very nice goddess about 3 feet tall which the man at the nursery gave me for a great price so then i bought fruits and vegies from him. I also got several crystals as well as a fish for prosperity and a dragon for protection all at my local hippie store.
My vision is to set up a corner in the front to honor more the outdoor goddess's. The goddess's of nature or weather or protection of the home. Today was just the basics that i found but over time as i find more things it will unfold as it should and become the alter it needs to be. I enjoy putting out the basics and watching over time how elements come to the alter.
I already have several alters in my house--an alter to my ancestors and those who have passed on in my lifetime, an alter to Kuan Yin and Lakshmi, and alter to midwives and childbirth and a personal alter in my room. I love finding the perfect addition to each one.
My vision is to set up a corner in the front to honor more the outdoor goddess's. The goddess's of nature or weather or protection of the home. Today was just the basics that i found but over time as i find more things it will unfold as it should and become the alter it needs to be. I enjoy putting out the basics and watching over time how elements come to the alter.
I already have several alters in my house--an alter to my ancestors and those who have passed on in my lifetime, an alter to Kuan Yin and Lakshmi, and alter to midwives and childbirth and a personal alter in my room. I love finding the perfect addition to each one.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Caretake this moment
Caretake This Moment
Caretake this moment.
Immerse yourself in its particulars.
Respond to this person, this challenge, this deed.
Quit the evasions.
Stop giving yourself needless trouble.
It is time to really live; to fully inhabit the situation you happen to be in now.
You are not some disinterested bystander.
Exert yourself.
Respect your partnership with providence.
Ask yourself often, How may I perform this particular deed
such that it would be consistent with and acceptable to the divine will?
Heed the answer and get to work.
When your doors are shut and your room is dark you are not alone.
The will of nature is within you as your natural genius is within.
Listen to its importunings.
Follow its directives.
As concerns the art of living, the material is your own life.
No great thing is created suddenly.
There must be time.
Give your best and always be kind.
~ Epictetus ~
Caretake this moment.
Immerse yourself in its particulars.
Respond to this person, this challenge, this deed.
Quit the evasions.
Stop giving yourself needless trouble.
It is time to really live; to fully inhabit the situation you happen to be in now.
You are not some disinterested bystander.
Exert yourself.
Respect your partnership with providence.
Ask yourself often, How may I perform this particular deed
such that it would be consistent with and acceptable to the divine will?
Heed the answer and get to work.
When your doors are shut and your room is dark you are not alone.
The will of nature is within you as your natural genius is within.
Listen to its importunings.
Follow its directives.
As concerns the art of living, the material is your own life.
No great thing is created suddenly.
There must be time.
Give your best and always be kind.
~ Epictetus ~
Cast all your votes for Dancing by Hafiz!
Cast All Your Votes For Dancing
I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.
I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.
But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.
You can stay that way
And even bloom!
Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter.
Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved
And, my dear,
From the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.
Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins
That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,
But then drag you for days
Like a broken man
Behind a farting camel.
You are with the Friend now.
Learn what actions of yours delight Him,
What actions of yours bring freedom
And Love.
Whenever you say God's name, dear pilgrim,
My ears wish my head was missing
So they could finally kiss each other
And applaud all your nourishing wisdom!
O keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter
And from the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.
Now, sweet one,
Be wise.
Cast all your votes for Dancing!
~ Hafiz ~
I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.
I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.
But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.
You can stay that way
And even bloom!
Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter.
Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved
And, my dear,
From the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.
Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins
That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,
But then drag you for days
Like a broken man
Behind a farting camel.
You are with the Friend now.
Learn what actions of yours delight Him,
What actions of yours bring freedom
And Love.
Whenever you say God's name, dear pilgrim,
My ears wish my head was missing
So they could finally kiss each other
And applaud all your nourishing wisdom!
O keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter
And from the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.
Now, sweet one,
Be wise.
Cast all your votes for Dancing!
~ Hafiz ~
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
400,000 Bats
Me and some kids went to a cave where we watched over 400,000 bats come out at dusk. It was the bat maternity cave and lots of babies!! It was quite awesome to see that many flying bats.
I have always loved bats. I love watching them swoop and fly and do amazing acrobats.
Bat totem:
Transition, Rebirth
A Bat totem appearing in your life
is a call for the end of a way of life and the beginning of another.
You must face your greatest fears
and get rid of the part of your life that no longer is needed.
This transition is very frightening for many:
"better the devil you know..."
But you will not grow spiritually until the old parts are gone.
Face the darkness before you and you will find the light in rebirth.
I have always loved bats. I love watching them swoop and fly and do amazing acrobats.
Bat totem:
Transition, Rebirth
A Bat totem appearing in your life
is a call for the end of a way of life and the beginning of another.
You must face your greatest fears
and get rid of the part of your life that no longer is needed.
This transition is very frightening for many:
"better the devil you know..."
But you will not grow spiritually until the old parts are gone.
Face the darkness before you and you will find the light in rebirth.
Monday, July 6, 2009
summer..
So Summer begins for me!!!! no school and only one birth to be on call for. So i want to do some fun things...
Like there is a cave just north of here that over 400,000 bats fly out of every evening...i want to go and see that. I have always loved bats!
There is some hiking plans i want to be a part of now that i can be gone from my phone for hours and hours.
I want to talk to my plants in my garden and see how they are faring and help them bring me succulent vegies.
Maybe pursue a particular relationship that I have put off for a few weeks due to just not having the energy to be interested in it enough to give it my attention.
I am making plans to go to New Zealand next year for a midwife conference and mayb ea few weeks of camping and hiking. I also want to go see my boys in WA state as they love it there but still miss their family.
Course fall is my fav season...october my fav month and Samhain my fav celebration... so I will be thinking of that time too.
Like there is a cave just north of here that over 400,000 bats fly out of every evening...i want to go and see that. I have always loved bats!
There is some hiking plans i want to be a part of now that i can be gone from my phone for hours and hours.
I want to talk to my plants in my garden and see how they are faring and help them bring me succulent vegies.
Maybe pursue a particular relationship that I have put off for a few weeks due to just not having the energy to be interested in it enough to give it my attention.
I am making plans to go to New Zealand next year for a midwife conference and mayb ea few weeks of camping and hiking. I also want to go see my boys in WA state as they love it there but still miss their family.
Course fall is my fav season...october my fav month and Samhain my fav celebration... so I will be thinking of that time too.
WHEW
I did my last test tonight in Chemistry. And i SOO glad to be done!
Chemistry in 5 weeks is hard, ass-kicking, brain exhausting and numbing. My average is about a 90 which is great considering my first week my average was 11. :)
I of course got labeled "trouble from day one" due to a snarky remark made to a teacher who has never taught online education to adults and only teaches high schoolers..THUS treating me like a 16 yo who needed punitive reprimands simply made me snarky!!!!
Since I am paying HER to teach me a course..I will get Snarky if i effin want to.
But i am now done with stupid chemistry and PRAISE the goddess i passed cause i was certainly NOT going to ever ever take that course again. Yeah I know how important chemistry is to every day life, and i wont say i didnt learn some nifty stuff :) BUT i think i could have lived a ripe old age and even died and been happy not knowing about citric acid cycle, protein synthesis, kcals,molar, and double helix....
I will sleep in tomorrow and dream happily since I wont be worrying about chemistry assignments at all!!!
Chemistry in 5 weeks is hard, ass-kicking, brain exhausting and numbing. My average is about a 90 which is great considering my first week my average was 11. :)
I of course got labeled "trouble from day one" due to a snarky remark made to a teacher who has never taught online education to adults and only teaches high schoolers..THUS treating me like a 16 yo who needed punitive reprimands simply made me snarky!!!!
Since I am paying HER to teach me a course..I will get Snarky if i effin want to.
But i am now done with stupid chemistry and PRAISE the goddess i passed cause i was certainly NOT going to ever ever take that course again. Yeah I know how important chemistry is to every day life, and i wont say i didnt learn some nifty stuff :) BUT i think i could have lived a ripe old age and even died and been happy not knowing about citric acid cycle, protein synthesis, kcals,molar, and double helix....
I will sleep in tomorrow and dream happily since I wont be worrying about chemistry assignments at all!!!
Friday, July 3, 2009
July 4th... Day of Freedom..?
Yes i know the patriotic mantra on the 4th of July. Freedom and independence and all that jazz. But as i think about this...who was free?
Certainly not women for a LONG LONG time.. African americans? nope. Children? no way
WHITE MALES? ummm yeah.
As women we still dont have the freedom to birth our babies where and with whom in many places of this country. We are still sciences guinea pigs with our children being second. We still struggle with domestic abuse issues and men not being held accountable for their violence.
If you are a white christian male..life is good eh? Happy Day of Freedom!!!
As for me, I will continue to struggle with a society that does not like or honor me as a woman except if sex is involved or submission or making dinner for a man. Certainly having opinions is NOT acceptable.... but see heres the secret.
I am coming up on crone years and I simply dont give a fuck what society thinks anymore.
One day all people will enjoy freedom....
Certainly not women for a LONG LONG time.. African americans? nope. Children? no way
WHITE MALES? ummm yeah.
As women we still dont have the freedom to birth our babies where and with whom in many places of this country. We are still sciences guinea pigs with our children being second. We still struggle with domestic abuse issues and men not being held accountable for their violence.
If you are a white christian male..life is good eh? Happy Day of Freedom!!!
As for me, I will continue to struggle with a society that does not like or honor me as a woman except if sex is involved or submission or making dinner for a man. Certainly having opinions is NOT acceptable.... but see heres the secret.
I am coming up on crone years and I simply dont give a fuck what society thinks anymore.
One day all people will enjoy freedom....
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Life is a bitch cause if it was a slut it would be easy
This quite always cracks me up. It never fails to put a brighter perspective on thecurveballs and fastballs that life throws. All the "hitches in the get along" and the "harshing my mellow" events that occur just cause the Divine cackles at me and often.
I try to see it as the experience I asked for..somewhere in my delusional mind...and take from it something to figure out my path. I got all the zen and tao and new age energy going to explain when SHIT happens..
But sometimes....just sometimes i need to say..
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?????????????
I FUCKING DONT LIKE IT AND I DONT LIKE THIS LIFE!!!!!! STOP giving me experiences that hurt and who asked for all this anyway???????
WHEW!!!!!
now i feel better and can continue with the Zen of responses being my normal cool self :)
Life is a Bitch!!!!
I try to see it as the experience I asked for..somewhere in my delusional mind...and take from it something to figure out my path. I got all the zen and tao and new age energy going to explain when SHIT happens..
But sometimes....just sometimes i need to say..
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?????????????
I FUCKING DONT LIKE IT AND I DONT LIKE THIS LIFE!!!!!! STOP giving me experiences that hurt and who asked for all this anyway???????
WHEW!!!!!
now i feel better and can continue with the Zen of responses being my normal cool self :)
Life is a Bitch!!!!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
summer solstice
is coming up. Celebrations of life and gardening and mother earth and all manner of summer things.
What are you going to do to celebrate summer?
I think of ice cold watermelon, hot buttery corn on the cob, juicy tomatoes and a bonfire in the evening. A group of pagans just sitting around talking, planning and building friendships.
Another summer has started and with it hot days and cool-ish nights, gardens abounding and bike riding.
Maybe a midnight ritual of thankfulness and fruition of plans and goals.
Stay Cool!!!!
What are you going to do to celebrate summer?
I think of ice cold watermelon, hot buttery corn on the cob, juicy tomatoes and a bonfire in the evening. A group of pagans just sitting around talking, planning and building friendships.
Another summer has started and with it hot days and cool-ish nights, gardens abounding and bike riding.
Maybe a midnight ritual of thankfulness and fruition of plans and goals.
Stay Cool!!!!
Love
I am in the grocery store looking for the chicken section. Across from me is a little ole lady maybe middle 80s. She is just a studying different packages of chicken parts. A little old man comes over and says " what have you found we cant live without out dear?" and as i looked up the love on his face for this women was astounding. I laughed and said to them.. "seems she found a lot of things!!" They both laughed and picked out their chicken. But I just felt this love between 2 people. He obviously adored her and she obviously knew it. His voice had years of camaraderie, teasing, laughing and just plain liking her a lot. I found this made my day--to see 2 people still in love and still enjoying something as small as shopping together!!!
There is love and companionship and respect and communication and years of companionship out there...its just hiding at Krogers!!!!
There is love and companionship and respect and communication and years of companionship out there...its just hiding at Krogers!!!!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
To sit patiently with a yearning that has not yet been fulfilled, and to trust that, that fulfillment will come, is quite possibly one of the most powerful "magic skills" that human beings are capable of. It has been noted by almost every ancient wisdom tradition.
~Elizabeth Gilbert~
How hard it is for us as humans to WAIT. On the other hand, how long does one wait before sensing a path is not the right one.
I have seen more often in my life that waiting and NOT doing something brings to me amazing things. I have seen strife and angst and confusion work out if i dont try and intervene with my own limited knowledge. People need to work out their own path and i cannot even think I can begin to tell anyone which way to go.
I firmly believe there isnt a right or wrong path..just the path we choose and all the experience given on that path. Even trying to give advice one what another should do is fraught with so many dangers. How do i know what this person's life should be? How do I know what experiences they need or should have? Do i have the right to suggest a path to someone when sometimes i cant even figure out my own?
I think the best advice is no advice. But to sit patiently and wait for it to be revealed. How magical is that???
~Elizabeth Gilbert~
How hard it is for us as humans to WAIT. On the other hand, how long does one wait before sensing a path is not the right one.
I have seen more often in my life that waiting and NOT doing something brings to me amazing things. I have seen strife and angst and confusion work out if i dont try and intervene with my own limited knowledge. People need to work out their own path and i cannot even think I can begin to tell anyone which way to go.
I firmly believe there isnt a right or wrong path..just the path we choose and all the experience given on that path. Even trying to give advice one what another should do is fraught with so many dangers. How do i know what this person's life should be? How do I know what experiences they need or should have? Do i have the right to suggest a path to someone when sometimes i cant even figure out my own?
I think the best advice is no advice. But to sit patiently and wait for it to be revealed. How magical is that???
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The Wheel
Great song with lots of Tarot Card Imagery....
The Wheel
How long was I alseep?
When did we plan to meet?
Have you been waiting long for me?
When did the sky turn black?
Do you still want me back?
I'll pick it all up piece by piece.
And the wheel goes round and round.
And the flame in our souls will never burn out.
And the wheel, and the wheel goes round.
I am a river with a voice.
I came into your life by choice.
And none can judge just how that feels.
You are a messenger from God.
You are the angel I forgot.
And who's to say that it isn't real?
And the wheel goes round and round.
And the flame in our souls will never burn out.
And the wheel, and the wheel goes round.
I'm not looking for the answers.
Oh, darling don't you see
That just to know the question
Is good enough for me.
Take up the hearts you came to heal.
Put down your dagger and your shield.
You need fear nothing now from me.
I see the essence of the man.
I stand before you as a friend.
The truth moves through us even when we sleep.
And the wheel goes round and round.
And the flame in our souls will never burn out.
And the wheel, and the wheel goes round.
The Wheel
How long was I alseep?
When did we plan to meet?
Have you been waiting long for me?
When did the sky turn black?
Do you still want me back?
I'll pick it all up piece by piece.
And the wheel goes round and round.
And the flame in our souls will never burn out.
And the wheel, and the wheel goes round.
I am a river with a voice.
I came into your life by choice.
And none can judge just how that feels.
You are a messenger from God.
You are the angel I forgot.
And who's to say that it isn't real?
And the wheel goes round and round.
And the flame in our souls will never burn out.
And the wheel, and the wheel goes round.
I'm not looking for the answers.
Oh, darling don't you see
That just to know the question
Is good enough for me.
Take up the hearts you came to heal.
Put down your dagger and your shield.
You need fear nothing now from me.
I see the essence of the man.
I stand before you as a friend.
The truth moves through us even when we sleep.
And the wheel goes round and round.
And the flame in our souls will never burn out.
And the wheel, and the wheel goes round.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
A day passes....
June 3rd use to be a day of celebration.. an anniversary. And this last June 3rd would have marked 30 years of marriage if it had not ended at 25. Now 25 is a goodly number to have reached in any marriage nowadays so I complain not. But when the day dawned i just thought for a moment what the day use to be.
There was no emotional angst or tears or regrets..it was more like just meeting an old friend for a few hours, catching up on stuff and then continuing with life. I could remember the good years and Thank the Goddess for them, and just let the bad ones slip on by with a slight nod of acknowledgment.
In our society, couple celebrating 30, 40 50 and 60 years of marriage are seen as amazing and hard working, and yes i believe this can be true. It seems a mark of diligence and perseverance and true love if one can make it to that mile marker still married. But there are many stories, many paths splitting and many journeys continued alone which are just as amazing and diligent.
I wont see a 50 year marker,,,and that may be the only sad part. Having someone in my life that long who knows me that well and still keeps up with me. Someone who knows how to comfort me on my worst days, encourage me on my wildest days and just hold my hand on my horrible days for 50 years.
BUT at the same time,,i also wont be with someone who doesnt understand my ever changing ethereal spirituality, does not encourage my radical/feminist actions and wont support me in all my unusual/different causes for 50 years either....
So its a balance.... a trade off... a journey that is what it is.
There was no emotional angst or tears or regrets..it was more like just meeting an old friend for a few hours, catching up on stuff and then continuing with life. I could remember the good years and Thank the Goddess for them, and just let the bad ones slip on by with a slight nod of acknowledgment.
In our society, couple celebrating 30, 40 50 and 60 years of marriage are seen as amazing and hard working, and yes i believe this can be true. It seems a mark of diligence and perseverance and true love if one can make it to that mile marker still married. But there are many stories, many paths splitting and many journeys continued alone which are just as amazing and diligent.
I wont see a 50 year marker,,,and that may be the only sad part. Having someone in my life that long who knows me that well and still keeps up with me. Someone who knows how to comfort me on my worst days, encourage me on my wildest days and just hold my hand on my horrible days for 50 years.
BUT at the same time,,i also wont be with someone who doesnt understand my ever changing ethereal spirituality, does not encourage my radical/feminist actions and wont support me in all my unusual/different causes for 50 years either....
So its a balance.... a trade off... a journey that is what it is.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
women as equal in society
I find it interesting that white peoples society have never allowed women equal status as in other cultures
posted again
I love reading this poem and have for years so i wanted to repost it as it came up in my soul again....
The Layers
I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
Stanley Kunitz
The Layers
I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
Stanley Kunitz
Abortion
Another Dr was murdered by the religious terrorists who seek to control womens bodies
I realize abortion is a heated subject and yet i firmly believe EACH women MUST make that decision for herself. What she can live with at the time. I would never tell a womans its wrong when to her this is the choice that must be made. Its heartbreaking and its hard-never let anyone says women get these in an easy fashion-- but men should NEVER ever have the right to tell women they MUST carry a pregnancy.
Dr Tillers and office's own words:
If you can deny women birth control before the initiation of, shall we say, a personal relationship, if you can deny birth control ahead of time, if you can deny a woman emergency contraception at the time of a personal relationship, and if you can deny women abortion services after a pregnancy has become established, then you can control women. Because you will overwhelm them with parenting and child rearing responsibilities.
"You will be controlled. You will be subjugated. You will be marginalized. And when subjugation walks in, freedom walks out. Now what do I mean? That means gone will be equal opportunity in the work force. Gone will be equal education. Gone will be equal pay for equal work. Gone will be health care benefits. Gone will be retirement benefits. Your freedoms will be gone. Because this is not about babies, again. It's about subjugation of women by male dominated societies. It's no more; it's no less."
and
"We believe that women have more worth and more value beyond their biological reproductive support function for a fertilized egg, embryo, fetus, child, baby, call it whatever you have - - call it whatever you wish. Women have more value beyond their biological reproductive support capacity.
and
"Men have had unlimited availability to 'abortion' since the beginning of time. Men can walk away from unwanted pregnancies with virtually no response from government. I believe that, unless women are given an equal right to determine whether or not they remain pregnant, they will not be considered equal. I think that's what the anti's are most afraid of-women becoming equal.
.
I realize abortion is a heated subject and yet i firmly believe EACH women MUST make that decision for herself. What she can live with at the time. I would never tell a womans its wrong when to her this is the choice that must be made. Its heartbreaking and its hard-never let anyone says women get these in an easy fashion-- but men should NEVER ever have the right to tell women they MUST carry a pregnancy.
Dr Tillers and office's own words:
If you can deny women birth control before the initiation of, shall we say, a personal relationship, if you can deny birth control ahead of time, if you can deny a woman emergency contraception at the time of a personal relationship, and if you can deny women abortion services after a pregnancy has become established, then you can control women. Because you will overwhelm them with parenting and child rearing responsibilities.
"You will be controlled. You will be subjugated. You will be marginalized. And when subjugation walks in, freedom walks out. Now what do I mean? That means gone will be equal opportunity in the work force. Gone will be equal education. Gone will be equal pay for equal work. Gone will be health care benefits. Gone will be retirement benefits. Your freedoms will be gone. Because this is not about babies, again. It's about subjugation of women by male dominated societies. It's no more; it's no less."
and
"We believe that women have more worth and more value beyond their biological reproductive support function for a fertilized egg, embryo, fetus, child, baby, call it whatever you have - - call it whatever you wish. Women have more value beyond their biological reproductive support capacity.
and
"Men have had unlimited availability to 'abortion' since the beginning of time. Men can walk away from unwanted pregnancies with virtually no response from government. I believe that, unless women are given an equal right to determine whether or not they remain pregnant, they will not be considered equal. I think that's what the anti's are most afraid of-women becoming equal.
.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Stuff christians do
Christian Culture
I find this link endlessly fascinating for several twisted reasons..
1- is it just shows the silliness of what christians oppose or use for their own amusement..
2. As a recovering religious fanatic,,i SO know the logic and mentality behind it all--wanting to fit into this cool world but maintain Jesus in all I did.
3. for all the pain and anguish that caused me to question my faith, Im glad i am out of it.
I mean..come on... Thank you baby Jesus for my smokin hot wife??????
but then I could thank the sweet baby goddess and hope for a cool smokin hot tall dark and handsome boyfriend!!!!
:)
I find this link endlessly fascinating for several twisted reasons..
1- is it just shows the silliness of what christians oppose or use for their own amusement..
2. As a recovering religious fanatic,,i SO know the logic and mentality behind it all--wanting to fit into this cool world but maintain Jesus in all I did.
3. for all the pain and anguish that caused me to question my faith, Im glad i am out of it.
I mean..come on... Thank you baby Jesus for my smokin hot wife??????
but then I could thank the sweet baby goddess and hope for a cool smokin hot tall dark and handsome boyfriend!!!!
:)
After a while part 1
I have posted this poem before but i am reposting WITH a part 2
AFTER A WHILE (Veronica Shoftshall, 1971)
After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept
your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
And you learn to build
all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn
that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
AFTER A WHILE (Veronica Shoftshall, 1971)
After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept
your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
And you learn to build
all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn
that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...
After awhile-pt 2
Then After "after a while" you change and build your hopes again. And pray that maybe this time it will be different. And you hold on to that hope because in the end that's all you really have..
AFTER "AFTER A WHILE"
After 'after a while'
You want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but
to enjoy its company,
and you want someone's lips to kiss,
not because you are lonely but because you are
happy, and you want to give presents
and you want to make promises.
After 'after a while'
You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
but like a child, will want someone to listen
and care,
and you want someone who will build roads with
you today so maybe you can pave the way for your
future together.
After 'after a while'
You want someone's sunshine and warmth,
but also accept the rain and the cold,
and you want to give flowers picked from your
own garden.
And when your garden is picture perfect,
you want it to be more than a picture
even if it means having to be imperfect
because you want someone in it to stay and to
live.
Then you'll see that there is
such a thing as love...
and that you were made to live in someone else's
garden...
and you'll know that there is more to life than
yourself.
AND NOW...
You realize that no matter how tightly you hold,
if you're meant to let go, you can
And then you will understand that love
gives you reasons to understand
even the most complicated situations
And you will grow older believing that just
because you have convictions
doesn't mean you're always right
You will remember lips because of the smiles
that made your day,
the words that touched your soul, not only
because of the sweet kisses
And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb
the meaning of lessons
learned,
You feel that you are finally being the person
you never thought you'd be
So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world
head on...
With or without an army behind you
Because you know your worth and that alone is an
armor
AFTER "AFTER A WHILE"
After 'after a while'
You want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but
to enjoy its company,
and you want someone's lips to kiss,
not because you are lonely but because you are
happy, and you want to give presents
and you want to make promises.
After 'after a while'
You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
but like a child, will want someone to listen
and care,
and you want someone who will build roads with
you today so maybe you can pave the way for your
future together.
After 'after a while'
You want someone's sunshine and warmth,
but also accept the rain and the cold,
and you want to give flowers picked from your
own garden.
And when your garden is picture perfect,
you want it to be more than a picture
even if it means having to be imperfect
because you want someone in it to stay and to
live.
Then you'll see that there is
such a thing as love...
and that you were made to live in someone else's
garden...
and you'll know that there is more to life than
yourself.
AND NOW...
You realize that no matter how tightly you hold,
if you're meant to let go, you can
And then you will understand that love
gives you reasons to understand
even the most complicated situations
And you will grow older believing that just
because you have convictions
doesn't mean you're always right
You will remember lips because of the smiles
that made your day,
the words that touched your soul, not only
because of the sweet kisses
And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb
the meaning of lessons
learned,
You feel that you are finally being the person
you never thought you'd be
So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world
head on...
With or without an army behind you
Because you know your worth and that alone is an
armor
Hallelujah
a great sunday morning song..i love leonard cohen but i really like these women singing...
Monday, May 25, 2009
Meandering Thoughts
As i walked today, i had many random non connected thoughts. One thing i think a lot about is spirituality--mainly my own and secondary how it shapes others. I do a lot of reading on this topic and on various beliefs from atheist to agnostic to taoism to goddess worship to anything else i find compelling. (Though i dont read anything to do with a patriarchal-centric religion as it has nothing to offer me as a compassionate, intelligent, opinionated and uppity Womyn.)
I was thinking about eternity or what happens after we die--heaven or paradise or another shot of life or nothing. Since i could not solve that question for anyone but me, i did come to a conclusion for myself.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER?? nothing I do here on this earth affects the hereafter. I dont control my eternity by what i do earthbound. It will happen as it is. My life here and now only affects my life HERE AND NOW. My contentment and happiness and joy come from the things I do NOW. To live a life of honor or respect or appreciation simply makes my life NOW better but it has no effect on where i will or will not spend my life after death.
So..i dont really care what the atheists or agnostics or religious weirdos believe cause its enough for me to LIVE this life--I may decide to come back for another go round of human experience but its a choice i will make NOT based on my previous human lives but on whether i want to experience this again.
Its tough sometimes living a life on the best of terms but throw in challenges and stress and human foibles, and truly its enough to get through this and WANT to come back. Whether or not there is an eternity of awareness or an eternity of bliss (though the time concept just really does not work outside human experiences) or an eternity of dancing or eating or conversations about our human lives we shared with each other-- I will create a life here That when its time to go to Valhalla, I will be content and I will have done all i wanted to do.
As the video on this blog says.. Someday Im gonna do it all. :)
I was thinking about eternity or what happens after we die--heaven or paradise or another shot of life or nothing. Since i could not solve that question for anyone but me, i did come to a conclusion for myself.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT MATTER?? nothing I do here on this earth affects the hereafter. I dont control my eternity by what i do earthbound. It will happen as it is. My life here and now only affects my life HERE AND NOW. My contentment and happiness and joy come from the things I do NOW. To live a life of honor or respect or appreciation simply makes my life NOW better but it has no effect on where i will or will not spend my life after death.
So..i dont really care what the atheists or agnostics or religious weirdos believe cause its enough for me to LIVE this life--I may decide to come back for another go round of human experience but its a choice i will make NOT based on my previous human lives but on whether i want to experience this again.
Its tough sometimes living a life on the best of terms but throw in challenges and stress and human foibles, and truly its enough to get through this and WANT to come back. Whether or not there is an eternity of awareness or an eternity of bliss (though the time concept just really does not work outside human experiences) or an eternity of dancing or eating or conversations about our human lives we shared with each other-- I will create a life here That when its time to go to Valhalla, I will be content and I will have done all i wanted to do.
As the video on this blog says.. Someday Im gonna do it all. :)
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Great blog
......I respect kindness in human beings first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.....
Wise words from this blog
Wise words from this blog
Friday, May 1, 2009
Celebration!!!
Every year I have an amazing day of celebration. We celebrate International Midwife Day, May Day, Beltane, Cinco De Mayo and birthdays all on the first saturday of May.
We have a maypole up with colorful ribbons to weave as we frolic around the pole. We have delicious foods for everyone to enjoy. We have kids and moms and dads hanging out and getting to know each other. Its a celebration of life and love and community and birth and people and anything else we can make it about.
So LOVE your midwife--- give her a hug
Celebrate Beltane..and dance the dance of fertility!
celebrate Summer is HERE!!!!!
We have a maypole up with colorful ribbons to weave as we frolic around the pole. We have delicious foods for everyone to enjoy. We have kids and moms and dads hanging out and getting to know each other. Its a celebration of life and love and community and birth and people and anything else we can make it about.
So LOVE your midwife--- give her a hug
Celebrate Beltane..and dance the dance of fertility!
celebrate Summer is HERE!!!!!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
You see, I want a lot.
Perhaps I want everything:
the darkness that comes with every infinite fall
and the shivering blaze of every step up.
So many live on and want nothing
and are raised to the rank of prince
by the slippery ease of their light judgments.
But what you love to see are faces
that so work and feel thirst....
You have not grown old, and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out its own secret.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~
Perhaps I want everything:
the darkness that comes with every infinite fall
and the shivering blaze of every step up.
So many live on and want nothing
and are raised to the rank of prince
by the slippery ease of their light judgments.
But what you love to see are faces
that so work and feel thirst....
You have not grown old, and it is not too late
to dive into your increasing depths
where life calmly gives out its own secret.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Divine Connections
I try and walk a few times a week on my roads. One road is very busy and the 2nd road is not so busy. Sometimes I have my iPod and walking to music and just thinking my own thoughts. Rarely interacting with life around me. I am WALKING!! Sometimes I look around and notice stuff but again rarely connect. i dont look at drivers or make any connection to them.
But SOMETIMES the Divine hollars " HEY!!!!! to me and I Notice!!!"
We all crave connections and even more a connection with the Divine. Today I turned onto the not so busy road and as a car came by I glanced up and a lady in a red car made eye connection, smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back and felt a surge of thankfulness in my soul. I wished her much blessing and I was still smiling when i glanced up at the next car and another person waved and smiled at me. WOW I thought... the universe is really connecting to me through these people. I again said a blessing for this person who without knowing why Sorta mentally high fived me and said GO GIRL your AWESOME!!!!
The aura of thankfulness was contagious!
My belief is the Universe uses those around us to connect with us and often we dont see the opportunities or the high fives.We get engrossed in NOT looking at others and not seeing others as emissaries of Light.
I am blessed that 2 people took a moment to connect with me instead of ignoring the opportunity.
So Namaste to them and THANKS to the Universe for Peace and Light even amongst the busy roads!!!
But SOMETIMES the Divine hollars " HEY!!!!! to me and I Notice!!!"
We all crave connections and even more a connection with the Divine. Today I turned onto the not so busy road and as a car came by I glanced up and a lady in a red car made eye connection, smiled and waved. I smiled and waved back and felt a surge of thankfulness in my soul. I wished her much blessing and I was still smiling when i glanced up at the next car and another person waved and smiled at me. WOW I thought... the universe is really connecting to me through these people. I again said a blessing for this person who without knowing why Sorta mentally high fived me and said GO GIRL your AWESOME!!!!
The aura of thankfulness was contagious!
My belief is the Universe uses those around us to connect with us and often we dont see the opportunities or the high fives.We get engrossed in NOT looking at others and not seeing others as emissaries of Light.
I am blessed that 2 people took a moment to connect with me instead of ignoring the opportunity.
So Namaste to them and THANKS to the Universe for Peace and Light even amongst the busy roads!!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
there is a crack in everything!!! thats how the light gets in!!
The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
oh the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
We asked for signs
the signs were sent:
the birth betrayed
the marriage spent
Yeah the widowhood
of every government --
signs for all to see.
I can't run no more
with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
say their prayers out loud.
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
a thundercloud
and they're going to hear from me.
Ring the bells that still can ring ...
You can add up the parts
but you won't have the sum
You can strike up the march,
there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
to love will come
but like a refugee.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
oh the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
We asked for signs
the signs were sent:
the birth betrayed
the marriage spent
Yeah the widowhood
of every government --
signs for all to see.
I can't run no more
with that lawless crowd
while the killers in high places
say their prayers out loud.
But they've summoned, they've summoned up
a thundercloud
and they're going to hear from me.
Ring the bells that still can ring ...
You can add up the parts
but you won't have the sum
You can strike up the march,
there is no drum
Every heart, every heart
to love will come
but like a refugee.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.
That's how the light gets in.
Monday, April 13, 2009
A prayer song....
Journeying god,
pitch your tent with mine
so that I may not become deterred
by hardship, strangeness, doubt.
Show me the movement I must make
toward a wealth not dependent on possessions,
toward a wisdom not based on books,
toward a strength not bolstered by might,
toward a god not confined to heaven.
Help me to find myself as I walk in other's shoes.
(Prayer song from Ghana, traditional, translator unknown)
And....
If you hanker for
a zenith of felicity
on the bed of the Divine
begin by dusting off
the wings of wonder
on your local pillow
Lift your ineffable
out of the mundane
Aim for airborne
with the eye of the heart
as your sky pilot
and soar to glory
~ James Broughton ~
I simply love the sentence " Lift your ineffable out of the mundane" the phrase resonates strongly with me on all levels. I can feel the Divine when i say it outloud.
What is ineffable? I knew you would ask--or some of you-- and so I will define.
ineffable is beyond expression or description such as "indefinable yearnings"; "indescribable beauty"; "ineffable ecstasy"; "inexpressible anguish"; "unspeakable happiness"; "unutterable contempt"; "a thing of untellable splendor"
indescribable, unspeakable, untellable, unutterable, indefinable
inexpressible, unexpressible - defying expression
or to do with the Spriritual Aspect of life: too sacred to be uttered; "the ineffable name of the Deity, unnameable, unutterable, unspeakably sacred - concerned with religion or religious purposes; "sacred texts"; "sacred rites"; "sacred music"
My expressions or my life are not mundane and i refuse to make it mundane even at the cost of others not understanding me or projecting their own weakness's to explain me. Why is it when a person achieves, moves forward, has experiences and is open to the Universe's sense of humor, people are threatened and angry. Their own lack is their own lack..its not mine and its not a product of my abundance.
Lift your ineffable out of the mundane.
YES!!!!!!!!!
pitch your tent with mine
so that I may not become deterred
by hardship, strangeness, doubt.
Show me the movement I must make
toward a wealth not dependent on possessions,
toward a wisdom not based on books,
toward a strength not bolstered by might,
toward a god not confined to heaven.
Help me to find myself as I walk in other's shoes.
(Prayer song from Ghana, traditional, translator unknown)
And....
If you hanker for
a zenith of felicity
on the bed of the Divine
begin by dusting off
the wings of wonder
on your local pillow
Lift your ineffable
out of the mundane
Aim for airborne
with the eye of the heart
as your sky pilot
and soar to glory
~ James Broughton ~
I simply love the sentence " Lift your ineffable out of the mundane" the phrase resonates strongly with me on all levels. I can feel the Divine when i say it outloud.
What is ineffable? I knew you would ask--or some of you-- and so I will define.
ineffable is beyond expression or description such as "indefinable yearnings"; "indescribable beauty"; "ineffable ecstasy"; "inexpressible anguish"; "unspeakable happiness"; "unutterable contempt"; "a thing of untellable splendor"
indescribable, unspeakable, untellable, unutterable, indefinable
inexpressible, unexpressible - defying expression
or to do with the Spriritual Aspect of life: too sacred to be uttered; "the ineffable name of the Deity, unnameable, unutterable, unspeakably sacred - concerned with religion or religious purposes; "sacred texts"; "sacred rites"; "sacred music"
My expressions or my life are not mundane and i refuse to make it mundane even at the cost of others not understanding me or projecting their own weakness's to explain me. Why is it when a person achieves, moves forward, has experiences and is open to the Universe's sense of humor, people are threatened and angry. Their own lack is their own lack..its not mine and its not a product of my abundance.
Lift your ineffable out of the mundane.
YES!!!!!!!!!
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