Julie and Julia

I took the 2 girls to see this movie. Anything with Meryl Streep in it is good for me :)
I love cooking so that was a plus, loved seeing parts of Paris I had been to years ago and loved seeing a really good movie.

I have read some of the reviews on it and my most fav review hit it right on as to why I loved this movie. Seeing Julia Childs husband so loving and tender and so IN love with her was awesome. Seeing older people so obviously in love and enjoying every moment that comes their way brought tears to my eyes.
THATS what I want...a love that surpasses expectations and baggage and just Loves every day. Enjoys the delights of food, companionship, intimacy and daily life even when moving around. Mutual admiration is vital to an equal and vibrant life together.

Great movie and worth seeing!!

Happy Birthday

So this is to wish someone I love a happy birthday. I hope all your dreams and hopes come true and you live an authentic and passionate life. I hope the Goddess blesses you with all manner of choices and paths that you can take to walk as true to yourself as possible.
I know you will do well cause you are of me..a child of my womb..how could you do less? Dont listen to the voices around you that are negative or ego driven or manipulative but instead be courageous and LIVE your life as you want to.
I want laughter for you and passion and purpose and friends who see you as who you are.

Happy birthday and may the Universe Cackle with Joy as you go about living.

Courage again..

Recently I was conversing with a friend. We have known each other over a year and he lives in Texas several hundred miles away from his kids which he sees rarely. As we were talking last night he mentioned he was moving back close to his kids and i said Good!! your kids need you!! He said " A few months ago you said something to me that made me so mad at you that i hung up on you." I asked what was that since i have a habit of saying things that people dont like... he said when i first moved so far from my kid(due to a bad divorce) you said...Be a man about this and STAY near your kids. Your kids are vital and even if the divorce is hard and cruel your kids need YOU their dad" He then said i knew it was the truth and i got mad at you because it WAS the truth and i did not want to hear it.
Then he said NOONE else he knows has told him that. They have all said not to move back there, or that their kids will be allright rarely seeing him and just stay where he is. He finds this interesting especially amongst his christian family and friends because noone has told him his kids need him a lot!! The only person who has told him this is a pagan friend--me.
I told him he needed to be with his kids cause i believe kids need their dad and mom. I told him the truth because I dont think lying or avoiding the truth is a authentic way to live. And I am glad I did because now he realizes what he needs to do cause someone spoke the truth even when it was not received well.
Part of courage IS saying what is the truth and doing what is right. Even when people get mad at me or lash out at me or hang up on me, I must say it. And i must say it with love and compassion and say it once. I dont need to harp on the truth or remind someone constantly of what i believe. I say it once and let the person figure it out. The words are there within their conscience and will be there when they are finally able to use it.

And the other question is why noone else said this. Are we so anti child we cant even suggest a dad needs to be near his kids???? I find that sad and hypocritical that Christians who claim to be SO family oriented would not even see that as vital to the well being of children!!!!

Pinwheels for Peace.

Great site...Pinwheels for Peace

Let's make a LOUD statement!!

Courage

Courage is an interesting word. Brave is another. These words are used a lot to describe another persons actions or choices. What i have found it that it also places a person on a pedestal far removed from mortals. Then they become bigger than life and when they show human foibles, shot down in a heartbeat.
Posted on another site was this amazingly accurate piece about courage... along with a short poem a commenter gave which i SO resonate with:

The Chrystos Poem:
“If you ever
again tell me
how strong I am
I’ll lay down on the ground and moan so you’ll see
at last my human weakness like your own”


( This poem is for all those people who lessened my value as a person by saying How BRAVE I am for just living my life)


The blog: Laurelin in the Rain

and a small excerpt:
Being known as a strong or courageous person (are those words synonyms? They are in my head, I think) can be very difficult- it can mean (although does not always mean) that people expect you to be strong, and that you execrate yourself when you do not reach the overly-high expectations you (or others) have of yourself.

No-one should have to be strong/ courageous all the time.

But then again, courage doesn’t mean what people often think it means.

Courage is that strand of steel that holds you together. It is the inner voice that sees truth when others around you insist you are a liar. It is the refusal to compromise integrity, the demand to be considered as a human being, the acceptance of fear rather than the denial of it.

Unafraid people cannot be courageous. There is no courage without fear.

Courage is not aggression. It is not the condition of speaking deliberately to hurt, of trying to damage another human being. It may well involve speaking and knowing that what you are saying may hurt another’s feelings, but if that is the only aim of your speech, your speech does not come from courage. Sometimes the conscience will say You must speak. It will hurt some others, but it will be more damaging if you do not speak now. You must speak................



Rock On and A High Five for a great post!!!


PS and another link to read about courage

Watched Benjamin Button

Finally watched this movie... and I of course think Cate is hot--brad is ok i guess-- but what i caught most from the movies that i loved is the concept of =Living Your Life and if you dont like it CHANGE it..Start Now and make it different. Dont waste a moment feeling sorry for yourself or being the victim or whining about circumstance.
Living in the past-regretting choices made=bemoaning consequences of choices IS all a waste of Time. To not motivate oneself to MAKE a difference starting NOW is sad to me.
I know people who simply WONT change..it requires energy and movement and hard choices and they dont want to do it. Its comfy in the place of sadness. Its not challenging in the place of stagnation and its easy to stay in the place of frozen fear of change. Hanging around others in this state of existence keeps them feeling safe and secure and if they have people around them in a even worse state of victimness..then they feel good and at least less sadness.

This movie makes a point of stating..Live your life. Change it if its not working. Dont regret the past.

Introductions

Introductions

Some of what we love
we stumble upon ˜
a purse of gold thrown on the road,
a poem, a friend, a great song.

And more
discloses itself to us ˜
a well among green hazels,
a nut thicket ˜
when we are worn out searching
for something quite different.

And more
comes to us, carried
as carefully
as a bright cup of water,
as new bread.

~ Moya Cannon ~

Chillin Sunday

Today was a cool day. Cool having various meanings.
Cool as in the weather was nice and cool and not humid! It was lovely to sit out and eat dinner by the pond.
Cool as in I made grilled out hamburgers with strawberry/blackberry fruit salad with real whipped cream :) YUM!!!
Cool as in nothing to do today except take 2 final tests and then im done with this course and do not have to get back into school work for 3 weeks!!!!
Cool as in I almost got the light fixed in my bathroom but as in ALL old houses there seemed to be surprises that make any fixing up to be adventuresome!!! So thats on hold til the next weekend.
Cool as in it was a great day!!

I love when a day is just fluid and flows as comfortably as an old sweater put on that you just wrap up in and feel content.

Life sometimes gives that day to me and I smile.....and take a deep breath and ENJOY!!!

Great little video

Raising Small Souls....
Truly inspiring and awesome

Some good movies to see and think....

and





and

susan enan

Having come this far...a repeat

Having Come This Far

I've been through what my through was to be
I did what I could and couldn't
I was never sure how I would get there

I nourished an ardor for thresholds
for stepping stones and for ladders
I discovered detour and ditch

I swam in the high tides of greed
I built sandcastles to house my dreams
I survived the sunburns of love

No longer do I hunt for targets
I've climbed all the summits I need to
and I've eaten my share of lotus

Now I give praise and thanks
for what could not be avoided
and for every foolhardy choice

I cherish my wounds and their cures
and the sweet enervations of bliss
My book is an open life

I wave goodbye to the absolutes
and send my regards to infinity
I'd rather be blithe than correct

Until something transcendent turns up
I splash in my poetry puddle
and try to keep God amused.

~ James Broughton ~

Love does that

LOVE DOES THAT

All day long a little burro labors, sometimes
with heavy loads on her back and sometimes just with worries
about things that bother only
burros.

And worries, as we know, can be more exhausting
than physical labor.

Once in a while a kind monk comes
to her stable and brings
a pear, but more
than that,

he looks into the burro's eyes and touches her ears

and for a few seconds the burro is free
and even seems to laugh,

because love does
that.

Love Frees.

~ Meister Eckhart ~

Life

I am learning more and more to let life unfurl around me and watch what happens. Now my nature is still to plan my goals and what things i want to accomplish but I also know plans change on a whim at times...in a blink and for the most part for the better.
I want to have a balance of planning and flexible when it changes course. I have found I will plan for X goal..and yet the goal turns into Y and the skills/learning/knowledge i acquired for goal X was even more vital for goal Y and i didnt even know goal Y existed.
Once i step out of others dramas, find my authentic self, learn to say No to others and enjoy love when its there..i am where i am suppose to be.
Others need their dramas and staying out of it keeps my energy from being zapped and dark..observing from a safe distance is best :)
Knowing how i want to live my life and then stepping out often with unusual ideas or beliefs is being true to my authentic self. I have ideas about what i want, who i am, who i will love and who i will walk away from and it has nothing to do with THEM but to do with ME.
Saying no is tough..i have always been the nurturer..but i am practicing and becoming more comfortable with it.
And knowing when love is knocking on my door and just allowing it to be what it is and how long it will be is healing and empowering for me. People come into my life for brief times and for longer periods..but ALL are for my experiences. I accept them all and honor all the love that has come into my life.

boundaries..good or bad?

The older i get the less I allow in my life that does not benefit me or mean me good. I know this can sound selfish and on many levels it is but it is also a way of keeping myself from drama of others. In my younger years, I would allow people to say or do unkind things to me and i would just brush it off as MY fault..i would accept blame for their actions. I would not want to hurt their feelings by calling them out nor could I walk away. Often i put myself in the fixer of all hurts mode and feel compelled to help a person with their issues.
Now i see that as my ego wanting to be hero and martyr and angel to everyone EXCEPT for me. I would allow my own feelings and emotions to be secondary in importance to others. But then i realized a few things... one is that it made me feel sad and used a lot... two it caused others to blame me when I couldnt fix them and thirdly I got tired of always being the one to expected to fix things...

So now i need and use boundaries..not to judge others behaviors or to make myself out to be better..but to protect myself and to allow others to just be who they are. i dont know what path others are on..it may very well be this life is a self destructive path for them and who am I to fix that?? Why cant i just step back and live my own life and not interfere with others? Which is why i have to say i cant be a part of some behaviors that i dont agree with or want in my life.
Some will say I am being judgmental..but is it judgmental to stay clear of others drama? is is wrong to not feel responsible for others choices in life? Can i set up a boundary without saying someone's behaviors are right or wrong but just are theirs??

I am saddened when i have to step away from someone i like or even love because the hurt and the negativity is more than I need in my life. My path is the only path i can walk..and i dont often know where that is even going so to nudge others onto a path that may not be theres, smacks of egotism and self centeredness. I want only to live my life and others live theirs..and if i find a companion that fits well with me, then so be it.

strength

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it... You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Change is never a Waste of time

"(Change Is) Never A Waste Of Time"

I know there's a reason you're forcing a smile
You hide what you're feeling and you have for a while
I can tell that you're falling
And you feel that you can't go on
But a new day is calling
And you'll see that the feeling is gone


You know you're not the only one
Who has a lot to overcome
And when the time has come then you move on
'Cause you've been crying for too long
Sometimes life is so unkind
But change is never a waste of time

I know how you're feeling, I've been there before
The hurting is something much to strong to ignore
Don't be waiting for someone
Who can take all your fear away
When there's no one to listen
That is when you should not be afraid

You know you're not the only one
Who has a lot to overcome
And when the time has come then you move on
'Cause you've been crying for too long
Sometimes life is so unkind
But change is never a waste of time

But change is never a waste... it's never a waste of time

I am Yours

For You

Matters of the heart

All the true Vows

ALL THE TRUE VOWS

All the true vows
are secret vows
the ones we speak out loud
are the ones we break.

There is only one life
you can call your own
and a thousand others
you can call by any name you want.

Hold to the truth you make
every day with your own body,
don't turn your face away.

Hold to your own truth
at the center of the image
you were born with.

Those who do not understand
their destiny will never understand
the friends they have made
nor the work they have chosen

nor the one life that waits
beyond all the others.

By the lake in the wood
in the shadows
you can
whisper that truth
to the quiet reflection
you see in the water.

Whatever you hear from
the water, remember,

it wants to carry
the sound of its truth on your lips.

Remember,
in this place
no one can hear you

and out of the silence
you can make a promise
it will kill you to break,

that way you‚ll find
what is real and what is not.

I know what I am saying.
Time almost forsook me
and I looked again.

Seeing my reflection
I broke a promise
and spoke
for the first time
after all these years

in my own voice,

before it was too late
to turn my face again.

~ David Whyte ~

the right thing?

For some odd reason, those words struck something as i wrote them. As i was thinking on it, i realized it had to do with the word right. Define right. What is right. Who is right. Is it right for the moment. Is there a right.
I dont mean do the right thing everyone thinks you should do or that your religious beliefs demand or what you culture/society/family expect... but do the right thing.
I believe (and remember my beliefs are fluid) there isnt really a right or wrong but just right for right now. We have many paths open to us and we simply choose the one right for now. I dont know that anyone chooses wrong but definitely there can be learning consequences for any choice including the ones we choose that seem to be right for others.
I have made decisions that are right for me but everyone else thought was wrong. Were they the right ones? I dont know...i do know it was the right path at the time.
I think of life as a meandering journey to get to THE point- I believe as a spiritual being I planned a few of the highlights along the way that i must do to experience this life as I want to. Remember the Family Circle cartoon where the boy meanders from point A to point B? It takes him forever and various things catch his attention and cause him to wander BUT he makes it to his point B.
Thats my life. I know im heading somewhere--Point B- but the journey keeps distracting me to explore and relish and wander this experience so any choice i make is right.

The problem we have of course is how Others see our choices. They dont like them, does not fit in with their own choices or perceptions of right or they criticise you for not being mature or smart.
Fuck em i say.. Make your choices. Live your life. Be kind but make your own choices about your own life cause noone else is going to LIVE your life but you.
Be authentic. Be aware. Be in the present however brief that is (ooooh another thought on there is no present only a future and a part!!!! Future post)
I know my choices will hurt others because of their expectations of me based on ignorance and fear and narrow beliefs, but i still must live my life as I see it.

I love Stevie Nicks!!!!

and it for you! and you know it!!

Always do the right thing...

As I wrote that and reread it later on the previous post.. thoughts came to mind about what that means..
So stayed tune for further elaboration and waxing wisely on that.......

August 1

My oldest child is 26 today. My how time flies!!! It just seems yesterday I was pregnant and searching for a midwife in washington state to have a homebirth. I did find the most awesome midwives and forever grateful for their strong woman centered approach to birth. It has been the cornerstone to who I am today.
Little did i know how changed I would be after this child was born..learning how to parent had been and still is an adventure in itself. Just when I think I figure it out--someone changes the game!!
I remember a quote I read once.. each day seems a eternity yet the years fly by..how true!!
Happy Birthday to my oldest..may he be who he is suppose to be and touch the hearts of those around him. May he be honorable to his own soul and kind to others. And always do the right thing.