Read the
Skeleton Woman Story...It is profound and so relevant to each of us in relationships.
...To love another is not enough, to be "not an impediment" in the life of the other is not enough. It is not enough to be "supportive" and "there for them" and all the rest. The goal is to be knowledgeable about the ways of life and death, in one's own life and in panorama. And the only way to be a knowing man is to go to school in the bones of Skeleton Woman. She is waiting for the signal of deep feeling, the one tear that says, "I admit the wound."
I sometimes am overwhelmed with sadness when I hear stories of failed love, broken hearts, distant emotions and pain and sorrow suffered from lost dreams of love. I am quick to wonder if someone did not stay committed or focused on their relationship and wonder if they had worked a bit harder, if it would have worked. But then I also believe relationships do serve their purpose--however long or short-- and when its time to move on...we must or die inside.
Can we take a deep breath and leave with dignity? with honor and with love for the other person? Can we learn from this grief so we can take these lessons to another relationship and not so much as DO better but CHOOSE better to begin with? Choosing a partner that complements us rather than completes us? As long as we feel we need to be completed, can we really choose wisely?
In the skeleton woman the lesson is understanding the life/death/life cycle of any relationship. That often to just Stop and wait during a lull of love can return us to the original feelings of desire. We all change as we go through life and the true test of maturity is can we weather changes in ourselves as well as our partner. Can we recognize when it IS a change and stand firm through the storm and when it is time to leave gracefully.
I remember during my pre divorce when I so badly wanted to make things right, I did everything I could think of. The problem was I did not know what I was fighting for. I didnt know the real enemy because of course I thought it was me. I was the problem-- I thought if i changed, then all would be well again. It is not until 5 years later that i see it wasnt even about me but about the demons others carry. I was fighting with blinders on and at some point it was time to leave gracefully.
Relationships are hard on the best of conditions, so looking at another person in life and standing with them through it all takes 2 people. Picking up the slack, encouraging and supporting and Believing in each other TO the end is paramount and vital to survival.
I know this is all a rambling process but truly i have a point.
Coming to a point in life where we know relationships of any kind can be as fleeting as a breath or as long standing as the sun but ALL fulfill something in us to the degree destined. Allow each relationship to happen, figure out the ones to let go and fight hard for the others.
And its 3 am in the morning and I just felt like a good ramble.
Postnote: Gender is exchangeable in the story..its not about men and women per se...its about that part of us which is in each of us. In a relationship whether male/female, female/female, male/male-each person must be willing to be skeleton woman and fisherman in order to attain understanding. We both carry male/female perspectives--getting in touch with them and acknowledging them is the point.
