new year thoughts

As i sit here in front of my fire, trying to finish up some papers for my masters degree in metaphysical science, and listen to some loud obnoxious music my kids are playing, i think about the new year and what i want to manifest. I also think about the last year and the events/people that caught my attention, gave me pause, stopped me for a moment and made me wonder WHF they were thinking.
The new year.....wait let me recap the old year.
2007
I sold my house and bought another one further north. It was a miracle of the goddess that it all worked out to even find this place. It had been on the market for 2 years--i like to think just waiting on me. Its on 3 acres with a pond, down a long tree lined driveway.. 10 mins from town yet off by itself. The story of how i came to be able to buy this is truly amazing. So this was a goddessy event...
I helped a lot of women with their births this year and was honored to see their sweet babies born.
I also got a months break to do nothing but sleep late and leave my cell phone at home when i went out.
I still feel the pain of betrayal of people in my life. Being blamed for their own actions, their own inability to be honest with themselves and others. ITs enough that i kept me alive, my kids safe and did not drowned in life that i could not also police and mothers others going through their own levels of hell. Why do people take and take and never give back. Why do people when it comes time to give to someone, step back with accusations and lies and grief.
This last year was a good time for me to learn to step away from those who have done me harm, stolen from me money and even a van. I am learning i am not responsible for anyone but me.

this upcoming year i plan on taking a vacation... either a womans music festival in August, or a midwife conference or even a goddess trip to greece. I want to plan something i have never done before or a place i have never been to.

so..i look back and see all the experiences i have had...positive and negative... and try to see the lessons, the points, and the reason for these things to happen. I have to admit often the more negative or painful and event, the more positive the consequences and choices i must make later. So to those people who thought they could hurt me beyond measure, I pray to the goddess morrigan that she return those things back to you.

The new year brings me starting my getting a Bachelors in Science so later i can go for a masters in accupuncture. Getting a new roof for my house and if the goddess allows, a new bedroom and bathroom with a spa.

To all.. i ask the Goddess Hecate for a new beginning for each of you, that as you come to the often dark crossroads of life you can make the decisions you need to..

This poem says it all:

The Layers

I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.

Stanley Kunitz

yule greetings...

I Witch you a Happy Yule!!!!!!!


and a blessed Day


and many divine graces

Yule Blessing

Yule Blessings
by Yusef

Blessings to you from the Earth Mother.
She is the Moon.
She watches over all of us by
The light that she casts over the blessed earth.
Walk her night lit path
And happiness you will find at every turn.
Blessed be!
Blessings to you from the Sky Father.
He is the Sun. He holds us up
And brings us strength. Carry his sword
To cleave the evil from your path
And you will be unmolested.
Blessed Be!
Blessings to you from the Great Spirit.
It binds us all together:
Man to womyn; beast to beast; all.
We are it and it is us.
Blessed Be!
May you have a wonderful Holiday.
The time has come for the sun to be reborn
He lies in his Mother's womb waiting...
Awaiting his reappearance on this plane.
Let us all rejoice in his rebirth and ours.
Blessed Be!

Some cool goddess stuff

Cool goddess rosaries.. they are gorgeous and well done!!

Cooking up a storm..

What a busy day.. :)
Part of the tradition we have created is each person has to make some part of dinner. They are suppose to get me their recipe so i can make sure i have all the ingredients.. OHMYGODDESS you would have thinked i asked for a miracle from each child!!! Well except for the 11 yo daughter who had her recipe to me within 10 mins of me asking.. :)
A couple of them simply didnt know what to make..so i gave them some ideas.. so our holiday dinner is:
i am doing a ham, garlic mashed potatoes,yeast rolls, butternut squash soup, and they are adding the following:
sweet potato casserole, green beans, cherry fruit jello salad, mac and cheese, a pudding-cherry-angelfoodcake trifle, cherry cheesecake,
then i am making a wassail for the present opening later the night of the 25th..it has some great ingredients including sherry, brandy, orange,apples, cinnamon, cloves,and apple cider..
Also some things we will do..is ring bells to scare away negative energy, hang holly to keep negative energy out (the rough edges catch it), also we have a ribbon tree.. each person adds their dreams or desires written on a ribbon and tied to the tree.. on jan 5th i will burn the ribbons and ask the universe to bless them.
then we have our family dream jar. Each year they take out the previous years dreams and read them to themselves to see what they accomplished this year..then we will put fresh ones in the jar.
They are always tickled to read what they wrote the year before.

all in all its a great day..

and i wish a wonderful yule to all and many blessings from the Goddess,
and

WAES HAEL!!!! (be well!!) DRINC HAEL (drink to health

powerful video

about prostitution and what is does to women and children. Its from the European Womens Lobby who is trying to stop the abuse and violence.

http://www.womenlobby.org/site/video_en.asp

amazing voices

I am not a big fan of country music..but i think the Dixie chicks standing up for their right to SAY their words is awesome. I for one think they were treated horribly by MEN who wanted them to keep their mouths shut..i mean they couldnt really do what men have always done to women of voice--burn them as a witch. So instead they used their power to silence them.

im not really a scrooge...

but i saw this sign on a church "Wise men still seek Him" and it sorta irritated me..for several reasons really.
one is wise MEN still seek him..what about the women folks? are they just not wise in general cause they are women or is it men who seek Jesus and lead their women?? I know the answer can be according to the religious beliefs of men/women.. But its still insulting..

Second.. wise men. Which is Magi. Which is sorcerer or astrologer or wizard..Which i thought was against Xian beliefs so WHY are they honoring these men? And then the whole CRUX of my irritation is this::
do you know what is a WISE WOMAN??? Which should be included in this little sign on this church... a wise woman is a WITCH!!! yep...the word witch means wise woman..
SOOOOO technically when a WISE man and a WISE woman search out Jesus..a wizard and witch is who they are..HOW COOL is that??????

but of course christianity doesnt believe in wizards and witches.. ohbutwait.. the reason for the season is..JESUS!!!!! As if thats EVEN tru.......

ACK... what confusion, and hypocrisy!!!!

no uterus..no comment

http://www.newstarget.com/001415.html

This guy is a jerk..and not only a JERK but a misogynist jerk.
He says he educates and empowers but what i read on his rant about obese women who should not be allowed to have children is demeaning,cruel and egotistical.
Who gives a fuck what HE thinks?
What i notice is his not saying a word on MEN and their place in conceiving of children. Men who smoke, drink or or obese.. why is he not ranting on THEM instead of women..why does he feel so safe and sanctimonious harrassing women but not a word about MEN.
This smacks of good ole boys mentality...white male patriarchy....GOD like ego... and a real dislike of women in general.

This guy is a jerk~!

wake up America..

Know what internet neutrality is and how it affects YOU!!!
SPREAD the WORD!!!
Let the big companies know you are willing to stand up for YOUR right to the internet!!!!

Woman Charged with murder for "supposedly" causing an abortion by using certain drugs. Now there is no PROOF that this drug causes abortions yet this woman has sat in jail for 4 years on the ASSUMPTION that it does.
This brings up 2 issues....
Since abortion is LEGAL when a woman involves the state then why is it against the law when it occurs--with or without the woman planning it-- without the states involvement??
AND
why is someone charged with a ASSUMED crime... not a proven crime.. and on the next level why is she charged with something that isnt a crime at all.... Well..its not a crime unless a woman does it on her own without paying the govt $$$.
how dangerous is this thinking for women... and i know i will post more on this as soon as i have ruminated a bit longer......

fat rant...

I love this gal!!!!

the gift of Fear

This is one of my most fav books... and one EVERY woman should read...
here is a small excerpt:

"I want to clarify that many men offer help without any sinister or self-serving intent, with no more in mind than kindness and chivalry, but I have been addressing those times that men refuse to hear the word "no," and that is not chivalrous -- it is dangerous.

When someone ignores that word, ask yourself: Why is this person seeking to control me? What does he want? It is best to get away from the person altogether, but if that's not practical, the response that serves safety is to dramatically raise your insistence, skipping several levels of politeness. "I said NO!"

When I encounter people hung up on the seeming rudeness of this response (and there are many), I imagine this conversation after a stranger is told no by a woman he has approached:

Man: What a bitch. What's your problem, lady? I was just trying to offer a little help to a pretty woman. What are you so paranoid about?
Woman: You're right. I shouldn't be wary. I'm overreacting about nothing. I mean, just because a man makes an unsolicited and persistent approach in an underground parking lot in a society where crimes against women have risen four times faster than the general crime rate, and three out of four women will suffer a violent crime; and just because I've personally heard horror stories from every female friend I've ever had; and just because I have to consider where I park, where I walk, whom I talk to, and whom I date in the context of whether someone will kill me or rape me or scare me half to death; and just because several times a week someone makes an inappropriate remark, stares at me, harasses me, follows me, or drives alongside my car pacing me; and just because I have to deal with the apartment manager who gives me the creeps for reasons I haven't figured out, yet I can tell by the way he looks at me that given an opportunity he'd do something tht would get us both on the evening news; and just because these are life-and-death issues most men know nothing about so that I'm made to feel foolish for being cautious even though I live at the center of a swirl of possible hazards doesn't mean a woman should be wary of a stranger who ignores the word "no."



AWESOME~~~~~
Read this book and have everyone you know read it...

Wanted:

a neopolitan mastiff!!!
I am searching for a neo..i have done rescue before for a neo and i love their big drooley face and their lazy laid back personality..
SOOOOO please help me find one... :)

logistics

I dont celebrate Christ-Mass. I celebrate the yule season.
now interestingly for over 20 years i did not celebrate ANY december holiday. As a religious believer of christianity, i did not believe Xmas was a holiday that i should be observing since it is NOT the birth of christ, and in fact is birth of several other gods including Mithras. And every bit of the traditions ARE pagan in origin. So i did not follow the ways of the pagans traditions..
BUT when i left the religious box i was in, I gloried in the pagan traditions and now we Observe Yule, winter solstice and I am going to observe Jan 5th in honor of the Italian Witch ..La Belafana..she sounds very cool.
So now we do the tree and presents... but i refuse to celebrate the religious part of it as its simply not christian..its a Pagan holiday with christian dressing to appease the ones who converted...
I am amused when i see "christ is the reason for the season or Without Christ there is no Christmas" and i wonder if these churches are as ignorant as they sound... Mithras is the reason for the season.. Winter solstice is the reason for the season... and any number of other Gods in other cultures with the birthdate of Dec 25 IS the reason for the season...and to be even MORE confusing, supposedly scholars know Jesus was born either spring or early fall... SO why are christians so darn determined to "keep" DEc 25th as THE DAY?????????


Good question...

So..i am loving my tree with colorful lights... presents mounting to a huge pile(with 9 kids thats almost a hundred gifts if we have just bought one for each other!!!), fire going in the evening and sipping hot tea.

update: one of my girls is woodburning every piece of wood she can find and giving it as gifts, she also cleaned out her drawers and gave her stuff to her siblings.. it will be interesting to see what she has chosen to give each of them.

yule shopping

OHMYGODDESS!!! i actually shopped today and found most everything i needed. Now a lot of things i ordered offline.. like the cutest fingerless gloves, some animal totems and a cougar claw necklace and a few cool suncatchers...
But this is the year of PRACTICAL!!!! To remind yall, I have 9 kids..so this year is the year of SOCKS and underwear and shirts and pants. And so off to the new target i went and found ALL i needed,,, including a nice coat for one child.

I truly hate shopping..i usually shop by going in and getting what i need and out in record time..but i dont like wandering around aimlessly looking and looking.
this will be our first year in our new house (we moved here in Feb), it will be the 3rd year we have celebrated the Yule Season and the first year i am actually allowing a Yule Tree. But it has to be a Living tree that i can plant later.
I am searching for some really cool yule traditions and rituals, and ideas to celebrate winter solstice.

Truly Samhain is my fav celebration..but yule is fun too!!

susan enan

I LOVE her voice... and the song Bring on the wonder.
her myspace is:
susan enan

I love her very folksy type sound..

World March of Women Declaration - 25th November 2007 – The International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.

In our Women’s Global Charter for Humanity we, activists of the World March of Women, affirm the world that we are building. A world where, “all human beings live free of all forms of violence. No human being is the property of another. No person may be held in slavery, forced to marry, subjected to forced labour, trafficked, sexually exploited.”

On 25th November 2007 – International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women – we are mobilised around the world to reassert the values of the Charter: freedom, peace, justice, solidarity and equality.

Rent

I love this Movie because of its honest perspective of human life. Life sucks sometimes, sucky choices, sucky consequences and sucky reality. But people can make the best of life and this is what this movies means to me...

i wanted to post some lyrics..

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure,
measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In
inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love.


525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure
the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.

It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.

Remember the love! Remember the love! Remember
the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

---------


The Heart May Freeze Or It Can burn
The Pain Will Ease If I Can Learn
There Is no future
There Is no past
I Live this Moment As My Last
There's Only Us
There's Only This
Forget.Regret. Or Life Is Yours To Miss
No Other Road
No Other Way
No Day But Today
There's Only Yes
Only Tonight
We Must Let Go
To Know What is Alright
No Other Course
No Other Way
No Day But Today

I Cant control
My destiny
I Trust My Soul
My only goal
is just to be

There' only Now
There's Only Here
Give in To Love
Or Life in Fear
No Other Path
No Other Way
No Day But Today

Videos

what words these ladies can speak.. how powerful they are..how awesome it is to hear women speak of their reality and their passion.
And sometimes to rawness is what is so changing to me.

thoughts

I see this blog sorta coming together..in a meandering kind of way. I wanted to present LOTS of women, lots of voices, lots of amazing words and events of surprising courage.
I am asked do i agree with all on my blog...and my response is..do i need to? does it matter? Are these women less interesting if i dont?
No woman needs me to agree with their words and their actions... only believe in them. To walk alongside of them and just be there. Each of us has our own path... we all have experiences we agree to and we must have those in our life this time... So for me to tell any woman what she is doing or saying is Wrong...is WRONG.
How do i know anothers heart? or their deepest desires? How do i know anothers journey and the things that must be for her to Be HER??? How do i know that a glorious consequence is just waiting but first she must walk on fire....trudge through despair.....be alone in the middle of the night... lose sight of her self...... have a heart broken into a million pieces and her soul crying out for help??
I have been all these places....and thought how can it get better? WHY must i have this happen to me???
And then the universe spoke...and i knew.
this is my path..my journey...i am who i am because of my life.

What an awesome video!! Im gonna do it all someday!!!

holidays

I have such mixed feelings about this November celebration... the religious group that thanksgiving is created for were intolerant people. Murdered Native Americans and burned those Wicked witches!!
Since many of those horrid witches were midwives i take offense to that!!!
Even now we have the patriarchal system treating midwives with disdain and cruelty and if possible they would still burn them..instead they put them in jail whenever possible.
I have a hard time celebrating Thanksgiving with that thought in mind... but kids want turkey and lots of food so i get to rant and rail on about the murdering religious goons for awhile..and then we come together, bless the goddess for the food and for time to share it..and ENJOY!!!!

The full moon is on Saturday and i have met a friend who is interested in the same things i am..i am Delighted and she is close to my age!!! Mainly that means we have went throught a lot of things in life already, older kids. ex-husbands, religious background and wanting a more woman centered life... i know the Goddess has answered my desire for such a friend!!!

Namaste to all..and have a blessed day tomorrow in the Name of the Goddess

Feminism

What is feminism exactly?
to me it always been about womyn...centering life around womyn, refusing to see man as the model.
To filter everything through a womyns perspective. To be strong and honest and willing to say what needs to be said. Not to see men as THE ones in charge nor allow them to be in charge over my decisions or actions.
It is argued that to be a feminist one must be a lesbian.
I dont think sexual orientation is a criteria in being a feminist. I thought it was about BEING a womyn...and not our relationships. Being Strong, opinionated,loving,caring,kick-ass, defending the belief that womyn CAN be whatever they want to be or do what they want to. I thought it was about womyn centered choices, perspectives,attitudes,longings,motivations, ideas, words and about loving OURSELVES.
Why does who we sleep with MATTER? Does a feminist who is heterosexual need to BECOME lesbian to be taken seriously? To be allowed to enter into conversations about change in our world? to defend the rights of others including lesbians or not, to live their own lives as they want to? Why do i need to BE something i am NOT to satisfy someones elses idea of RIGHT?????
HOLD up..that sounds like patriarchy and i REJECT that..and I am ME. I refuse to become anything other than me. And i refuse to ask or demand someone become what they are not.
I adore womyn,,, i think they are strong and wonderful and perfectly made..i love their openness, their vulnerability, their emotions and their uppityness...their conversations and their hugs.
I have close womyn friends who i could hug all day because their love makes me know that i am loved back for my being a womyn also.

Uppity womyn are AWESOME!!!

Friendships

As women, we want close friendships with other women. I know for me as i get older, I want to build a community of women who will go through the ups and downs of life. Women to go into the crone age together and be powerfully uppity and strong. Energy that for years went into raising children can now go into being a presence in our community.
Sadly many friendships dont withstand time and changes. Women also go through midlife changes that can be transformations or crisis. In transformation, we morph into Who we are meant to be..in crisis we dont change because we are afraid of those around us who will judge. We are afraid we will not recognize ourselves and we will lose ourselves.
During a recent midlfe event, I figured out WHO i am...and where i want to go. Though i made plenty of mistakes, i dont consider them wrong..i consider them part of life.
Life is ever changing, ever moving forward and ever fluid. To mindfully be a part if life is hard to know how to do.

Having some time to relax...

in between births is nice but then i find myself looking at blogs and websites about birth, and women and feminism and loving every minute of it.
But some of the birth videos make me angry that women can be treated to disrespectfully and callously by a medical system that thinks women birth "down there".
Why are women allowing men ANY sayso in their health care? Why allow a male OB to decide what is best for your body? They can so quickly justify using the knife in one way or the others and often its done before a woman can consent.
The older i get, the more aware i am becoming of the world of women..and what that means to me. As my children get older and need me less, I can see myself becoming more devoted to feminist issues.
As a midwife, I already involve myself in many ways... but there is more to be done.

home again

I spent a week at a midwife conference in Florida.. it was fun to meet old friends and also hear some new ideas and thoughts on midwifery. The hotel itself was a pain in the ass...i think a hotel that charges $199 a night should provide internet access and free local calls... but for some reaosn they did not think so. I complained loudly and often :)
One of the classes and subjects discuss was rascism and how as white women we can change it, stop it, make a difference and take a stand against it. I am going to give this much thought and figure out how i can change things even if its just those i know or meet.
There is no better place to meet Uppity Women than a midwifery conference!!!!

Musings

I am packing for a trip to Florida. A fun filled week near Tampa at a midwife conference. Lots of great women, midwifery skills, and Dancing!!!!
I love going to conferences and seeing women of such diverse lives, embracing homebirth and midwifery and choices of women. Its always uplifting and empowering.
When i get back, my kids and i have lots of plans to celebrate Samhain. Or Halloween as its called.
We have a cemetery in our front yard and ghosts hanging and lovely crone witches cackling. And of course candles galore.
I am planning a fall dinner to honor ancestors, and a ritual to close out the year on Oct 31.
I also have an alter i dedicate to all the women burned as witches.

Witches

Its that time of year.... lots of ghosts and goblins and Witches flying about. The way most witches are portrayed fall into 2 different camps of beliefs. One is the greeen faced, mishapen, hunchbacked evilly cackling witch or the very sexual perky witch. Either is how the church has seen women for centuries.. either old and haggish and cooking up all manner of evil brews OR a sex kitten just waiting to tempt a poor man who simply cant resist!!
But what is a witch really? A Wise Woman. A woman who has wisdom is always a threat to the church and to the government. If we think, then we can talk,,, and thus we can go against society. And this is NOT good according to those in charge.
Women burned as witches were healers, herbalists, midwives,older women with the ovaries to speak out against the church, widows with property that of course went to the church upon her death, women of money with no husband or if she had a husband and he didnt denounce her--then by golly he was a witch too.
The horrors and the pain of women tortured and burned should make us all pause this Samhain-Halloween month, and give a silent memorial to those women.
Let us honor witches. They were simply women like you and me...not evil and not sex starved, but simply strong wise women.
If we look around our culture we can still see the witch burnings. We can still see women being shut up, denigrated, harrassed, physically threatened, and all manner of pain. Standing up to a patriarchal society is not easy and never to be taken lightly.

All strong uppity women are witches.. and society will do its best to quiet them.

Cunt

Is a great book. If you havent read it then there is nothing more powerful than to go to a bookstore and ask the sales clerk
"where would i find Cunt?" I have had some enlightening conversations while finding the book and i hope they later took the time to read it.
Its a book about the powerful reverant word Cunt. How the origins of this word is of powerful women, high ranking status and
a title worth having. ITs about reclaiming a word that men use against us as a word of denigration and shame.
Yet..i do have a cunt and im right proud of her. She has had 9 children slip from inside her, she has given me some wonderful love making times and she has rarely been ill :)
I am teaching my daughters to see the word as a strong woman word. And if some stupid man calls you a cunt, smile and say why thank you..that is a great honor that your recognize my power!!!!

Cunt..i am not a cunt..i have a cunt. It is poweful. I am powerful.


Later i will go into my thoughts about reclaming the word Witch as the original Wise Woman.

Uppity

What DOES uppity mean? My car tag says UPPITY1 and i get a lot of amused glances.
To me Uppity means ... someone who thinks. someone who speaks out. someone who knows her own way.
I know when a woman says her mind she is labeled a lot of horrible names..and it is sad that so many women hide their thoughts and opionions for fear of being called such names.
So to me Uppity says it all... I AM a thinking woman..i DO my own thing... i TEACH my children to be themselves and
I speak my mind.

and im a nice person too :)

I gots me a BLOG~~~
How exciting is that? I can write to my hearts desire and maybe make a difference in someones life.
Where do i start?
I am a midwife. In a state that is so anti woman, anti family and just plain redneck, that sometimes think of moving to a less hostile state.
But then i dont. :)

I have 9 kids all born at home with various awesome midwives.

I am a minister of metaphysical sciences, aromatherapist, a holistic health care practitioner and a spiritual life coach...
and in my spare time i unschool my kids :)

What do i want to be when i grow up???
good question!!!!