On Prayer

However you say words of comfort or encouragement to another.......


On Prayer

You ask me how to pray to someone who is not.
All I know is that prayer constructs a velvet bridge
And walking it we are aloft, as on a springboard,
Above landscapes the color of ripe gold
Transformed by a magic stopping of the sun.
That bridge leads to the shore of Reversal
Where everything is just the opposite and the word 'is'
Unveils a meaning we hardly envisioned.
Notice: I say we; there, every one, separately,
Feels compassion for others entangled in the flesh
And knows that if there is no other shore
We will walk that aerial bridge all the same.

~ Czeslaw Milosz ~

A post for ruminating...

CERTAINTY

Certainty undermines one's power, and turns happiness
into a long shot. Certainty confines.

Dears, there is nothing in your life that will
not change - especially your ideas of God.

Look what the insanity of righteous knowledge can do:
crusade and maim thousands
in wanting to convert that which
is already gold
into gold.

Certainty can become an illness
that creates hate and
greed.

God once said to Tuka,

"Even I am ever changing -
I am ever beyond
Myself,

what I may have once put my seal upon,
may no longer be
the greatest
Truth."

~ Tukaram ~

Stories

Part of my job entails listening. Listening to women talk to me about their lives, their pregnancies, their children and their families. I have found that the first step to healing is talking and having someone to listen. I believe words are powerful and create energy as they are spoken as well as dispel negative emotional energy in the body. Simply by saying the words creates the path to healing.
What i have also found is people want and need to tell their stories without judgement or criticism. They need to feel safe and listened to. I have also realized as I have gotten older how important it is to step back before making a judgement about someone's actions and think that there is more to this story. Often behavior is directly related to a story that needs to come out.
As a healer, I can give those around me the space to talk. I can see this as a gift i am giving that allows a person to speak freely.
To not be in a hurry, to not be thinking of my net answer and to breath deeply as i feel the energy around me.
I have heard deeply sad stories and amazingly joyous ones. Stories from the heart of a woman and how she has allowed others to treat her. I have heard words that broke my heart and moved the very deepest parts of my soul. Sometimes i wonder how does this woman bear this story daily? Sometimes i just sit and cry with her while holding her hand and sometimes i hold her in a complete hug and let her cry.
As per a previous post I dont give answers as they dont exist. I believe each of us has our own answers and we just need to find it ourselves. I am just an anchor to help them clear their hearts and minds.
All my life i have found people will tell me things about themselves they have not told anyone else. They will tell me a story and suddenly look at me and say "Wow., i have never told anyone that, why did i tell you all that?". Complete strangers will feel comfortable telling me their deepest stories. How privileged I have been to be a part of that healing.

Everyone has stories--they are the life we lead. Have you listened to a story lately?

Jackson Browne

And another song i listened to....
Jackson Browne!

I aint no communist
I aint no capitalist
I aint no socialist
I aint no imperialist
I aint no Democrat
Sure aint no republican
I only know one party
and it is Freedom!!!!!!!!


" I want to run like a lion
released from the cages
released from the rages.
burning in my hearts and minds"

Musings and Meanderings of thought

I spend a lot of time on the road driving. My job keeps me out and about and I spend this time usually thinking, planning, dreaming (I can dream and drive!!!) My kids try to talk to me when I drive which i can hear them but i hate responding to them cause it breaks my own process.
Anyway, I am on a 6 day hiatus to the coast of alabama. I am mixing business with pleasure. I have a couple of seminars I must do in 3 different places and try and go to the beach to collect sand for my outdoor alter.
ANYWAY... I made a music CD of some of my warrior songs, songs that kept me alive years ago during a bad time and relistened to them as i drove. It was awesome to see where I am now and remember where i was then.
One song I have found that i posted a few days ago is The wheel by roseanne cash.
A line in there called to my attention:

I'm not looking for the answers.
Oh, darling don't you see
That just to know the question
Is good enough for me.

IT caught my attention and I started forming thoughts and reactions to it.
So often in life we dont ask questions. We are afraid to cause answers can be hard to hear. And more often there are not answers just more questions. Even authority/govt/medical people dont like anyone asking questions as it seems to undermine THEIR authority and their being in charge. Questions are the bane of most religions..you dont ask ANY questions that might put doubt about a belief
BUT asking questions enlightens us even when and especially when there are NO answers and never will be. ASKING the question brings us outside the "box" of thinking we are in due to our upbringing,, culture, society pressures and religious beliefs. Most of the life changing, mind expanding questions never ever have an answer but the process of forming out hearts thoughts makes us grow.
And THAT can be dangerous or alienating or sad or hard for those around us when we start stepping out on nothing but questions. Cause they still believe there are answers to be found BEFORE making any changes.
I have tons of questions and I am not expecting any answers THOUGH my path becomes apparent to me as i go along observing and watching.

Questions need to be asked by everyone... and forget the answers...they just aint there.

weekend plans

So today i went about town looking for things for my outside alter to the goddess. I wanted a wind chime, candleholders, a statue and rocks. I found them all including a very nice goddess about 3 feet tall which the man at the nursery gave me for a great price so then i bought fruits and vegies from him. I also got several crystals as well as a fish for prosperity and a dragon for protection all at my local hippie store.
My vision is to set up a corner in the front to honor more the outdoor goddess's. The goddess's of nature or weather or protection of the home. Today was just the basics that i found but over time as i find more things it will unfold as it should and become the alter it needs to be. I enjoy putting out the basics and watching over time how elements come to the alter.
I already have several alters in my house--an alter to my ancestors and those who have passed on in my lifetime, an alter to Kuan Yin and Lakshmi, and alter to midwives and childbirth and a personal alter in my room. I love finding the perfect addition to each one.

Caretake this moment

Caretake This Moment

Caretake this moment.
Immerse yourself in its particulars.
Respond to this person, this challenge, this deed.

Quit the evasions.
Stop giving yourself needless trouble.
It is time to really live; to fully inhabit the situation you happen to be in now.
You are not some disinterested bystander.
Exert yourself.

Respect your partnership with providence.
Ask yourself often, How may I perform this particular deed
such that it would be consistent with and acceptable to the divine will?
Heed the answer and get to work.

When your doors are shut and your room is dark you are not alone.
The will of nature is within you as your natural genius is within.
Listen to its importunings.
Follow its directives.

As concerns the art of living, the material is your own life.
No great thing is created suddenly.
There must be time.

Give your best and always be kind.

~ Epictetus ~

Cast all your votes for Dancing by Hafiz!

Cast All Your Votes For Dancing

I know the voice of depression
Still calls to you.

I know those habits that can ruin your life
Still send their invitations.

But you are with the Friend now
And look so much stronger.

You can stay that way
And even bloom!

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter.

Keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From the sacred hands and glance of your Beloved
And, my dear,
From the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.

Learn to recognize the counterfeit coins
That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,
But then drag you for days
Like a broken man
Behind a farting camel.

You are with the Friend now.
Learn what actions of yours delight Him,
What actions of yours bring freedom
And Love.

Whenever you say God's name, dear pilgrim,
My ears wish my head was missing
So they could finally kiss each other
And applaud all your nourishing wisdom!

O keep squeezing drops of the Sun
From your prayers and work and music
And from your companions' beautiful laughter

And from the most insignificant movements
Of your own holy body.

Now, sweet one,
Be wise.
Cast all your votes for Dancing!

~ Hafiz ~ 

400,000 Bats

Me and some kids went to a cave where we watched over 400,000 bats come out at dusk. It was the bat maternity cave and lots of babies!! It was quite awesome to see that many flying bats.
I have always loved bats. I love watching them swoop and fly and do amazing acrobats.

Bat totem:
Transition, Rebirth

A Bat totem appearing in your life
is a call for the end of a way of life and the beginning of another.

You must face your greatest fears
and get rid of the part of your life that no longer is needed.
This transition is very frightening for many:
"better the devil you know..."
But you will not grow spiritually until the old parts are gone.

Face the darkness before you and you will find the light in rebirth.

summer..

So Summer begins for me!!!! no school and only one birth to be on call for. So i want to do some fun things...
Like there is a cave just north of here that over 400,000 bats fly out of every evening...i want to go and see that. I have always loved bats!
There is some hiking plans i want to be a part of now that i can be gone from my phone for hours and hours.
I want to talk to my plants in my garden and see how they are faring and help them bring me succulent vegies.
Maybe pursue a particular relationship that I have put off for a few weeks due to just not having the energy to be interested in it enough to give it my attention.
I am making plans to go to New Zealand next year for a midwife conference and mayb ea few weeks of camping and hiking. I also want to go see my boys in WA state as they love it there but still miss their family.

Course fall is my fav season...october my fav month and Samhain my fav celebration... so I will be thinking of that time too.

WHEW

I did my last test tonight in Chemistry. And i SOO glad to be done!
Chemistry in 5 weeks is hard, ass-kicking, brain exhausting and numbing. My average is about a 90 which is great considering my first week my average was 11. :)
I of course got labeled "trouble from day one" due to a snarky remark made to a teacher who has never taught online education to adults and only teaches high schoolers..THUS treating me like a 16 yo who needed punitive reprimands simply made me snarky!!!!
Since I am paying HER to teach me a course..I will get Snarky if i effin want to.

But i am now done with stupid chemistry and PRAISE the goddess i passed cause i was certainly NOT going to ever ever take that course again. Yeah I know how important chemistry is to every day life, and i wont say i didnt learn some nifty stuff :) BUT i think i could have lived a ripe old age and even died and been happy not knowing about citric acid cycle, protein synthesis, kcals,molar, and double helix....

I will sleep in tomorrow and dream happily since I wont be worrying about chemistry assignments at all!!!

July 4th... Day of Freedom..?

Yes i know the patriotic mantra on the 4th of July. Freedom and independence and all that jazz. But as i think about this...who was free?
Certainly not women for a LONG LONG time.. African americans? nope. Children? no way
WHITE MALES? ummm yeah.
As women we still dont have the freedom to birth our babies where and with whom in many places of this country. We are still sciences guinea pigs with our children being second. We still struggle with domestic abuse issues and men not being held accountable for their violence.
If you are a white christian male..life is good eh? Happy Day of Freedom!!!

As for me, I will continue to struggle with a society that does not like or honor me as a woman except if sex is involved or submission or making dinner for a man. Certainly having opinions is NOT acceptable.... but see heres the secret.
I am coming up on crone years and I simply dont give a fuck what society thinks anymore.
One day all people will enjoy freedom....

Birth trailer...preview