As i sit here in front of my fire, trying to finish up some papers for my masters degree in metaphysical science, and listen to some loud obnoxious music my kids are playing, i think about the new year and what i want to manifest. I also think about the last year and the events/people that caught my attention, gave me pause, stopped me for a moment and made me wonder WHF they were thinking.
The new year.....wait let me recap the old year.
2007
I sold my house and bought another one further north. It was a miracle of the goddess that it all worked out to even find this place. It had been on the market for 2 years--i like to think just waiting on me. Its on 3 acres with a pond, down a long tree lined driveway.. 10 mins from town yet off by itself. The story of how i came to be able to buy this is truly amazing. So this was a goddessy event...
I helped a lot of women with their births this year and was honored to see their sweet babies born.
I also got a months break to do nothing but sleep late and leave my cell phone at home when i went out.
I still feel the pain of betrayal of people in my life. Being blamed for their own actions, their own inability to be honest with themselves and others. ITs enough that i kept me alive, my kids safe and did not drowned in life that i could not also police and mothers others going through their own levels of hell. Why do people take and take and never give back. Why do people when it comes time to give to someone, step back with accusations and lies and grief.
This last year was a good time for me to learn to step away from those who have done me harm, stolen from me money and even a van. I am learning i am not responsible for anyone but me.
this upcoming year i plan on taking a vacation... either a womans music festival in August, or a midwife conference or even a goddess trip to greece. I want to plan something i have never done before or a place i have never been to.
so..i look back and see all the experiences i have had...positive and negative... and try to see the lessons, the points, and the reason for these things to happen. I have to admit often the more negative or painful and event, the more positive the consequences and choices i must make later. So to those people who thought they could hurt me beyond measure, I pray to the goddess morrigan that she return those things back to you.
The new year brings me starting my getting a Bachelors in Science so later i can go for a masters in accupuncture. Getting a new roof for my house and if the goddess allows, a new bedroom and bathroom with a spa.
To all.. i ask the Goddess Hecate for a new beginning for each of you, that as you come to the often dark crossroads of life you can make the decisions you need to..
This poem says it all:
The Layers
I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
Stanley Kunitz
6 years ago
